Sunday, April 27, 2008

5 Ways To Scare the Neighbors

1. It's 5AM and the old dog (almost 18) has to pee. I sneak out the front door so she can complete her business - quick and simple. Life is never quick nor simple. I stand there in the semi-darkness as the morning breeze sways the palms clad in my very thin cotton nightshirt. A sleeping garment not too sweet on prying eyes.

I turn my back for a moment, a second, a nana second and - she's gone. Collarless, mindless and on some sort of mission. Since her mind has vanished she displays strange behavior. She wanders endlessly and becomes lost even in a closet.

2. Panic sets in. I run to the end of the driveway - hoping no one in the neighborhood is awake. She is nowhere to be seen. How can a dog so old and confused disappear so fast? Most of the time she can't find her way to the feeding dish. And she is ALWAYS underfoot.

I scan the street and the culdesac. Still clad in my ridiculous evening wear. Panic rises. Where would she go? Could she have wandered to the next street? What to do? I most certainly cannot run wildly up and down the streets looking like this.

3. I begin to canvass the street. A house has their garage door open. Should I? OMG! She went into a neighbors house. She's deaf so she can't hear my desperate pleas. She's also nearly blind so she cannot she me trotting down the street in my beastly garb.

4. Should I return home and grab a robe? Do I have time? What if she makes it to the main road? She will not last long. I run back home - scream for help and grab a robe. I run madly down the street barefoot and wild. I wonder who may be peering out their windows at this strange sight? Hubby comes to the rescue clad in red satin boxers and he runs East while I run West.

5. I see her walking nonchalantly out of the neighbors garage. I grab her and scream with relief. I am so thankful for the robe. The neighbor stands in the shadows watching me with wary eyes.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Writing Jobs

A listing of Writing/Editing positions in the Tampa Bay area.

Live and work in paradise.

Friday, April 25, 2008

10 Best Eclectic Towns in florida

Florida is filled with quaint towns, big cities and rolling hills. Yes we have hills here.

1. Cedar Key
2. Dunedin
3. Inverness
4. Everglades City
5. Citra
6. Micanopy
7. Clermont
8. Zolfo Springs
9. Beverly Hills
10. Howey In The Hills

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

50 Ways To Lose Your Lover

It was a cute song back then and Paul was such a hunk. That was then and this is now. He's still a hunk and the song is silly but brings back memories of lost youth.

Why do you need 50 ways to lose a lover? Just dump the chump. Is that so hard? You don't have to get on a bus or sneak out the back. Don't answer his text message, tell him to get a life and get on with it. So I have changed the 50 ways to 1.

1. Have Paul write and sing a new melody.

Monday, April 21, 2008

10 Best State Parks in Florida

Check out their website.

1. John Pennekamp

2. Honeymoon Island

3. Bahai Honda

4. Rainbow Springs

5. Florida Caverns

6. Egmont Key

7. Anclote Island

8. Grayton Beach

9. Fort Cooper

10. Cayo Costa

Sunday, April 20, 2008

10 Best Springs in Florida

72 degrees - crystal clear - romantic - natural and relaxing.

1. Rainbow Springs

2. Weeki Wachee Springs

3. Homassa Springs

4. Crystal River Springs

5. Fanning Springs

6. Ichetuckne Springs

7. Madison Blue Springs

8. Peacock Springs

9. Troy Spring

10. Manatee Springs

10 Best Beaches in Florida

A few of my favorite beaches in Florida.

1. Caladesi Island
2. Honeymoon Island
3. Bahia Honda
4. Anclote Key
5. Siesta Key
6. Grayton Beach
7. Lovers Key
8. Captiva Island
9. St. John's/St. George's
10. Amelia Island

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Lots of attention in Texas concerning the Polygamous-sect children ordered to stay in Texas custody and the children. I could not live a life this way. The mind control is so evident. Just look at those dresses and those hairdo's. Mrs. Bundy (Peg) - move over. And I thought Al was bad.

I bet you can't even choose the color you like the best for your figure flattering dress. Then, you don't have to worry searching through your closet for something to wear.

The main focus is the children and it should be. But what are they feeling being snatched from their family? How would I feel? How would you feel?

I contemplate whirled peas, local gangs, the price of gas and house foreclosures. Does this sect ever have to worry about that? What goes on inside their heads? Do they use the Internet?

I truly would like to know what they think, feel and who the worship. And WHY?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Healthy Snack

This is so easy - delicious and healthy.
apples - any kind
organic or freshly ground peanut butter
chopped or sliced nuts - any kind

Slice a Macintosh apple or cut in chunks
spread with freshly ground peanut butter
dip into sliced almonds

Organic or freshly ground peanut butter works the best (and is better for you) since it is thicker it sticks to the apple. You can substitute raisins or craisins for the nuts. It almost looks too pretty to eat.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sleep Deprivation

Sleeping or lack thereof is infringing upon my life and my well being. I used to be able to go to sleep at the drop of a hat and get up at the crack of dawn. I didn't even need to hear that rooster crow. What gives? Why is my internal sleeping mode gone wack?

Is it an age thing? Seniors complain mucho about their sleeping habits? I'm not near the senior level but perhaps I am an early learner? A mattress thing? Recently I purchased a new memory foam mattress pad. Couldn't afford the new bed so I settled for the pad. It's comfy.

Still going to bed at my usual time. I am getting more exercise. The dog has stopped asking to go out four times a night so I do not have that to deal with. But still I wake up almost every hour. For what?

Am I stressed? Over worked? Underpaid? YES - yes - and yes - but always have been. What's going on?

I found this great site but I'm too tired to read it, maybe tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Lottery Winner

I won - I won. I just can't believe it. Well I do believe it because I followed my own easy steps to win. The thrill - the excitement is wonderful. I followed the three easy steps.
1. I picked up money (mostly pennies) in the road, on the sidewalks and a few in ponds.
2. I place my found money on my bedside table in a lovely chipped ceramic mug.
3. When my pot reached $1.00 - I ran (drove) down to the convenience store on the corner and purchased my winning ticket.

So now I am my own testimonial. It works!!! And it can work for you also. My 3 easy steps can be obtained directly from this site for FREE. Just follow my simple plan and YOU can become a Lottery Winner. Someone's got to win - so why not YOU and ME.

I vow not to end up like some of those lottery winners whose life is in shambles after they win. They spend the money with no regard to the future. It just slips through there shaky hands like a snow cone melting in the summer.

I will think before I spend my windfall - and try not to spend it all at once or in the same place. This may be difficult. I know the value of money. I've been without it for so long I can really appreciate the green.

I am concerned about paying taxes on my win. I may not even report my win. So how will I spend this loot? I guess I will run (drive) back to the convenient store - hand in my precious winning ticket and ask for the payout in 4 more lottery tickets. The remaining 50 cents will be placed in my chipped ceramic mug that sits stoically by my bed.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Butter Me Up

I was out of butter and ketchup so I made a quick trip to the grocery store. $74.00 later I had my butter and ketchup and a few more items. Actually the cart was almost overflowing. It would have been cheaper to fill my car with gas.

I did my weekly grocery shopping on Sunday and today is Tuesday - so where have all the flowers gone? Feeding a teenager is expensive and coping with their emotions is another story in another time.

So why oh why did I even grab hold of that cart and cruise through the aisles? I needed two items -I have two hands. Simply math. I'm not good at math. And why does the store make everything so irresistible? And I do stay on the outside perimeter to get healthy food items.

I did forget the dish washer detergent. That's another trip and I see the dollar signs floating past me. I promise the next time I need one or two items I will march in single handedly and pick up one or two items and leave the cart rammed into that SUV in the parking lot.

I will shop painlessly/panelessly from now on.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Human Footprint

I watched the 'Human Footprint', last night and I knew it would be a little depressing and full of guilt. It was. During a commercial I jumped up and searched through the trash to pick out the soda cans to be recycled.

What worried me the most was the amount of stuff and food THEY used to get the point across. The producerer stated they did not want to use animation - it needed to be real. So the gallons of milk bothered me even though they used water instead of milk for the scene. Okay - but what about all those cartons that were used? Did they go to a landfill? What about all the water inside the cartons? What purpose did the water serve?

The thousands of bananas dropped on the floor and smashed was another sore spot. They showed donating the bananas to a pig farm. Hmmm - is this why I have to pay 69 cents a pound now for bananas when just a few months ago they were 49 cents a pound? Supply and demand?

It was very interesting. But as a consumer I have little control how items are packaged and sold. Have you ever opened a package of Prilosec? The amount of cardboard for one tiny pill is unbelievable. How about placing some of this responsibility on the manufactures.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Water Hyacinths

I was in desperate need of water Lillie's - any kind would do. I set out to my favorite hunting ground. I hid my plastic bag in the waist of my sweats. I searched the banks for the elusive water lilies. There were none. Lots of green slime across the water but no floating hyacinths.

Since I am never one to give up (occasionally) I headed for the boating area to continue my search. My koi and my turtles were depending on this mission to be successful. Goldie is almost ready to explode and if the babies have no place to hide they will be eaten. It's a tuff world out there. And the new turtle habitat needs some water landscaping and places for Cracker and Romeo to hide.

I walk over the foot bridge that leads to the bog area. The boardwalk meanders through the marsh. I notice the signs 'Do not Feed or Molest the Alligators'. I just want my water Lillie's. So many people wandering around -why don't they stay home. They are interfering with my mission.

I spot one. Floating lazily in the murky water right next to the 'Alligator Warning' sign. It's beyond my reach. Mr. Wonderful (hubby) searches for an instrument to reach the Lillie. He is so great. He reaches over the murky water and grabs a broken limb. Plop, there goes his sunglasses like an anchor the drop to the bottom.

Somewhere - someday I will see an alligator sporting a pair of Ray bans. Hubby grabs the limb from the murky water. We proceed to a quiet spot to look for water Lillie's. I see one not too far from the boardwalk. Hubby reaches out with his limb and snags the Lillie. I am on the look out for gators and the park ranger.

He gets it. Wow, she's a beauty. I watch for water movement. All is still in the bog. It must be nap time for the gators. I see another one and point to it. I can't yell and draw attention to what we are doing. Hubby bends down and pokes the limb through the railings on the boardwalk. Ker plunk - off goes his hat and it floats away.

He reaches the water Lillie pokes it with his limb and pulls her to shore. I keep an eye out for water ripples and park rangers. Neither can be seen. We watch the hat sink slowly to the bottom of the swamp.

I am feeling good about my harvest so off we go back to the car. I am satisfied and my fishies and turtles will be happy campers.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

First Aid For Dummies

I'm working out in the yard on the turtle habitat wearing my well worn Crocs and WHAM. A searing stabbing pain hits my right foot just above the Croc line. I look down and there is this ugly fire ant the size of a small dog biting my ankle. The pain is horrific.

I take off my well worn Croc and start wacking the montster. I beat him savagely and still he clings to my ankle. The pain escalates. I scream, yell and jump up and down. I have no idea what the neighbors are thinking and I really don't give a dumb. Child birth was less painful than this.

Finally, hubby comes to my rescue and knocks me to the ground and starts rolling me across the lawn.

"Stop," I scream, "I'm not on fire. You do the stop, drop and roll when someone is burning."

Although I feel like I'm on fire and the pain is almost unbearable. We beat the ant with wild abandon. At last the demon is dead. My ankle swells instantly and turns red and hurts like hell.

I run inside and search the bathroom for pain relief. Nothing, nada, not even alcohol. I run to the kitchen and search for baking soda. Nuttin. What's wrong with my first aid essentials? The pain increases. Out of total desperation I grab the Saline Nasal Solution and spray away on my throbbing ankle. Wow - the pain stops. Who knew? This bottle goes directly into my empty First-Aide kit.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Wetsuit Wussies

The pool has been filled with water - cold water. The solar heater has been repaired but there is NO pool cover. I hear the sounds enticing me into the water. I dip my toe and and FEEL the cold. The thermometer says 78 degrees. BBBRRRRR. I prefer when the temperature hits 85 degrees.

Working in the yard has made me all hot, sticky, sweaty and smelly. The pool she calls my name. I check the thermometer and the temperature has reached 79 degrees. I have to take the plunge - I can no longer resist.

I go inside and search out the bathing suit, slip it on and walk outside. Then, the light bulb pops on inside my head. I return to the house and remove the suit and replace it with a wetsuit. Yep, a full body cover to keep me warm.

I do a belly flop right in the deep end. The cold shock on my face is not so bad and the rest of me is warm and fuzzy. I swim around the pool dressed for the deep ocean and enjoy the solitude. Within minutes hubby joins me dressed in his wetsuit. A couple of wetsuit wussies.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Green Eggs & Ham

So for the past month I have been doing my power walk. The verdict is still out on the results. This morning I ask hubby if he would like to go with me. He gives me this dazed - what did you say look. So I repeat the question.

"When did you start this?", he asks with the still dazed look. I've been doing this for quite some time. I guess the verdict is in.

He would rather walk to The Cafe and have a hearty - greasy breakfast of Green Eggs and Ham. Somehow that defeats the purpose of walking. The key to the routine is to walk off those pounds not add any more on.

So, reluctantly he agrees to my wishes. He puts on his wool (yes WOOL) sweater. We live in Florida and it's April and it's quite warm. Off we go into the wilds of the neighborhood. Ducks walk the streets, squirrels run rampant and early morning drivers terrorize us with there speed.

Hubby complains about the heat. Stop your whining I think to myself - you're the one that wanted to wear the dumb sweater. He takes it off and hands it to me to hold. Yeah right!!!

We finish the walk and he trudges into the house to make a three course breakfast. I gulp down my energy drink and head out for my second lap.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Airstreams & Airplanes

So, I'm driving down Interstate 4 towards Orlando and out of the corner of my eye I see silver statues. I get a little closer and they are not statues but Airstream trailers. Shiny and silver and pointing their taillight's to the sky.

They are firmly planted into the landscape of I-4. I read about them in the paper and the fact that they were causing traffic congestion and accidents. So I pulled over to get a good shot.

The zoning board is on the outs with the owner and very soon I suppose they will disappear from the landscape. Another Florida attraction bites the dust or dirt.
Travel down the road a little and you come to a HUGE airplane that's been there for a very long time. Apparently it's okay for airplanes to grace the landscape but not trailer trash.
I have an extra couch and perhaps I should partially bury it in my front yard..LOL...see how the homeowners association likes that.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I am Exposed

When we connect to the WWW we expose our underbelly to the world. The most vulnerable part of our existence on view for the masses. It's much like running down Main Street in nothing but your birthday suit. And some of those birthday suits you don't want to see. Our life, our loves our thoughts and desires are hung out to dry like dirty laundry. Then, the whispers and occasionally shouts spill forth into our space.

Our pride, our feelings our integrity has been assaulted by judgemental individuals. They stand up and shout and bastercise us. Like a chocolate bar on the car dash in the summer - it's melting and our almonds are exposed to a hostile environment.

So if we choose to parade down Main Street buck necked (could be illegal in some places) we have made that decision. Some may not approve our desire to be ourselves and to share our most sacred aspects of our life to the world. Then there are freako, psycho wacko's that thrive on our most precious moments in time and take it to the underworld of perverseness and darkness.

Cry and you cry alone (sometimes true) and share and you let everyone touch your inner sensitivity.

Paddle your own canoe, row your own boat, drive in the slow lane, break the rules, follow that distant drumbeat and spread your wings for support. Be true to who you are.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Rain in Spain

The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain - except when you fill your empty pool after months of repairs and take out a loan to pay the extremely high water bill you will be facing this month. Then it rains with total disregard to nature, nurture or the meteorologists prediction.

So now we face a pool overflowing with water and needs to be drained. Okay - why do these things happen to good people? Somehow I never read that book - if I did I might have answers to my questions. Where is Harold Kushner now? I will stand by and watch the precious ($$$) water make trails down the gutter on my cul-de-sac and slip silently into the drain.

If I were in charge of the universe I would have the rain start before I filled my pool. And being in charge of all that stuff I would not allow the solar heater to have a gigantic leak and the pool pump to get clogged and replacing the filter every few months and all the cleaning and the dog jumping in scratching the new surface or the old dog falling in and nearly drowning. Alas - I am not in charge and that's probably a good thing.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

How To Win The Lottery

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Step 1. - You know all that spare change (usually pennies ) you see lying on the sidewalks - in the streets and in the bottom of the dryer - well pick them up! Sometimes you may even come across a dime or the motherload quarter. Place all this found cash in a container - a chipped cup works fine and place it on the nightstand. Soon - depending on how good your eyes are - you will have accumulated $1.00.

Step 2. - Take this change directly to the convenience store and purchase a lottery ticket. Then sit back and wait and wait and perhaps wait some more. While you are waiting continue to collect spare change and place in your chipped cup sitting on your nightstand. Soon, you will have another $1.00 and can purchase another winning lottery ticket.

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Friday, April 4, 2008


I skipped the morning walk - no reason. Lost in self-pity, no energy, no motivation - just a slacker. I can't follow the routine I devised for myself and who does it impact? Me.

I'm sitting here staring at this computer screen thinking to myself - you could have done the walk, you can do the walk, you absolutely have to do the walk. But I don't move.

Perhaps writing about 'not walking' will inspire me to get moving. I did go as far as putting on my walking shoes so I could walk. It's hot and sticky and if or when I go for the walk I can take a cool soothing shower. Still not moving.

The light bulb goes on!!! I will take my camera on the walk.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Snakes in Florida

The pool is sitting there - all bright, pretty and very very blue. The next task of filling her with water looms over us. I see $ signs. I was hoping for lots of rain but we have only received a small shower. So there is about 2 inches of water surrounding the drain in the bottom.

Yesterday I stepped outside into the sunshine and surveyed my empty pool when movement caught my eye. It was black and long and slithering along the bottom of the empty pool. It looked to be a black racer. Harmless - but I have a terror of snakes.

I grabbed the camera and stepped slowly and cautiously into the bright blue waterless pool. I guess the big guy felt cornered as he raised his head up and looked like he was going to leap at me. Okay, do I really want his picture? I climbed out of the pool and leaned over the edge. He reared his head again. Truly not a happy camper having his photo taken in a dry pool.

I snapped a few shots and then called for back-up to remove him from his hell. My trust Knight in Shiny Armour scooped him up with the long handled butterfly net and returned him to the wilds of my backyard.

I wondered if he was traumatized or this was just another day in the life of a black racer?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hitchcocks muse

I watched Alfred Hitchcock's - The Birds last night for the gazillionth time. I have always wondered - Why did those birds attack? We never find out and that creeps me out a bit. For days after watching the movie birds seem to spook me.

Today when I go for my walk I will be searching the treetops for wacko birds. I will stay away from schoolyards with playgrounds, small towns with a bar/cafe, birthday parties, farms, bays and telephone booths.

Then, I wondered why Tippi's hair was always so perfect - even after being attacked by dozens of crazed birds her beehive did stay intact. Perhaps it was in her contract - not to muss up the hair - might make her look bad. Stars certainly don't want a bad hair day.

So today will be my - Beware of Birds day - thanks Al.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Lanny Langford - the Roemans

Last nite about 9:12 pm, I have this flashback to the teen years. It came out of nowhere just like the asterisk commercial. I was blindsided by the tumble down the turbulent tunnel of youth. My memory broke through in the still of the night. I was there - lying in bed watching a non-memorable program on T.V. and pop. There he was - my love of a thousand dreams ago.

I think I was a groupie. I went every weekend to see this band and the lead singer who caused me endless sleepless nights. My idols of lost youth and immaturity.

His name just jumped out of my brain. Why? I don't have a clue. My synapses were overloaded? Or misfiring? So I did what I usually do when I get a brain fart. I GOOGLED his name. Lanny Langford. I found much more than I anticipated.

I opened up an obituary. How sad. My youth inspired hero was dead - at 24. And he attended the high school where I live right now. How bizarre is that? A fallen hero - a lost youth - an innocence shattered.

My second site brought me to the band - The Roemans. I then remembered I purchased their record. Yes a 45 record. Oh, haven't seen that in a while. What caused my memory to revert back? Why at that moment in time? And to find out he lost his life at such a tender age. My mind is telling me something - what I don't know? For now - I will just be happy to walk through the past with my memories of growing up and exploring my boundaries.

The Florida garage band - who knew?