Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fay - in her path of destruction

I've heard numerous stories about the sound one hears just before a tornado strikes. High pitched locomotive sound. That suggestive talk is printed sharply in my mind.
Fay has sprouted many tornadoes in her wake throughout Florida. So I am on storm alert with the train sounds tucked away inside my pink mass.
This beautiful and windy morning I get up and trot to the pool for my morning dip. The waters a bit cold. I begin to walk slowly (cuz it's sooo cold) down the steps into the pool. I hear this sound - Is it a train? I don't live anywhere near a train track. I'm completely submerged in the water now and the sound grows louder.
Rescue workers will find my battered body floating face up in this pool if I don't act with urgency. I race out of the pool, grab my towel and run for cover. I listen as the garbage truck passes by my home. Well, it sounded like a train. I feel I was being proactive.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Going Out The In

Parking lots are confusing places. They have these arrows painted on the pavement that are many times faded so you never know which way is up. You have the exit and Entrance signs plastered from here to there.

And why do I always get caught going out the in? The parking lot will be completely empty and I make a wrong turn down the In row and there she is - coming my way. Dirty looks, fingers in the air, horn a honking, gram ma's going in the in. And me the wrong doer is going out the in. I try to back up but some fool (so like me) is on my bumper.

Maybe I should just walk.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Web of Terror

My biggest fear in life is - snakes. I see one and then go straight to the panic mode. I am unable to get over my fear - or total terror. My second critter fear is spiders. They creep me out, especially the big ones.

We have two medium size spiders playing dead at the bottom of the pool. I know they are faking it because if I were to go in the water they would attack me - for sure. I don't care that they have been hanging out in the same place for three days. They are stalking me!

This morning I walk to the pool thinking about taking a quick dip, although it is raining and I could get wet? There is this spidersaurus swimming in the pool. He's huge!!! He's alive!!!

Scratch that idea of taking an early morning dip. What scares me more is taking an evening dip and not properly checking out the wild waters. I will search the depths with a flashlight before I enter the waters next time.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Fall from Grace

I have a small courtyard in front of my home covered by tiny little sharp (very sharp) white stones. I chose white to offset the Florida sun. Weeds poking through the stones is a constant battle of wills to keep my Feng Shui feeling alive. I don't believe that weeds are compatible with Feng Shui.
My courtyard is a quiet restful place where I can go and relax try to meditate, chill out or sip a fruity drink. I always wear shoes or at least my flip flops as the sharp little stones are like death needles. At times their sharpness have penetrated the souls of my thin rubber dollar store flip flops. To walk barefoot upon the stony path is forbidden - in my book of lists.
Unable to sleep with the heat and the humidity of a summer night along the gulf has led me to my private oasis. I am down to two plastic chairs in my private paradise that have face the harsh Florida sun for too many years. Once taupe colored and smooth they were a wonderful addition to my restful escape in the middle of a city. Now they are rough and colorless and blend into the stone landscape as if they are truly non existent.
So it's just me in my thin cotton nightwear a cloudy sky, the heat and the quiet of my courtyard facing the sleepless evening. I lower my sleep starved body onto the colorless plastic chair that has seen too many unforgiving sunny days and sleepless nights.
Life comes at you fast especially when you're not expecting it to. One second I sit and the next second I'm fighting with broken plastic and sharp deadly stones. What has happened to my serenity of my Feng Shui getaway? The once sun washed plastic chair has taken on a life of destruction and mutilation. It tears my thin cotton gown in more places than anyone could have ever imagined and sends me stone surfing along the shards of stones. Sharp stones. Sharp stones connecting with my lily-white flesh, tearing and disfiguring.
I know not what has been hurt the most? My pride or my body. I limp into the house leaving behind my tranquil garden of death stones and evil plastic furnishings. Blood leaves a tell-tale trail across the terra cotta tiles. I survey my wounds in the bathroom mirror. I limp out back to the pool to nurse my ravaged body. I slip silently into the cool waters of my backyard Feng Shui resort.
My ankle throbs, my arm drips blood, my raised welts turn a dark shade of purple, my ego sulks, my wounds burn as the chlorine wraps me in her clutches. I need to get better furniture for my courtyard.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Reinvent the wheel

I certainly do not want to reinvent the wheel - although the notoriety and fame would be great. I just want to invent a business opportunity for myself and by myself. Everywhere I look some one is offering me a way to make thousands of dollars - the catch is I have to buy their method. And there are hundreds if not more people out there wanting you to buy THEIR system and most are around $50 bucks. Light bulb goes off!!!! That's how they are making money selling something usually unworkable to other people.
They have testimonials and copies of their wealth posted for the suckers to drool over. The excitement builds, the anticipation explodes and wham! you buy in to their dream that you think is really your dream. They get richer and you have been suckered.
I have found some sites that offer FREE advice - yehaw - my kind of community. This very morning I came across some wise strategies. I will share and not charge unsuspecting dreamers a fortune in vain.

The video link.

You tell people...
1. Here's what I have
2. Here's what it will do for you
3. Here's what I want you to do next

Yes, it's simple, but as a very basic premise, it's a powerful process.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


When one hears that phrase - 'When the shit hits the fan', you know something isn't too pretty. What happens, 'When the shit hits the floor'? It has happened at our house quite often lately.
The old girl is 18, senile, half blind, can't hear, has constant eye infections, her body has become some kind of wart factory and she paces aimlessly as if in pain. Her back legs are stiffened with arthritis and no longer bend where they should bend. She has difficulty standing and frequently falls over. When outside she seems to be searching for something and tends to wander off, always in the road. I can't take my eyes off her for a second. She will only do her business in the driveway. 18x7=126.
I have doggie pee pads placed in two places in the house. She's has approximately a 90 % chance of hitting the pads. Since she can't see I'm thinking they must have a secret smell to attract piddlin. I don't mind the doggie pads.
Recently the number two issue has raised its ugly head. I have been feeding her soft dog food so her need to defecate has increased. I do this because she has lost quite a few teeth.
Yesterday she was playing hide the poop and she did hide half of it under the doggie pee pad. The remaining portion was in the middle of the kitchen floor.
I slip out of bed in the darkness of the morning and trudge for the kitchen. NEED coffee, need coffee. I neglect to turn on any lights - my reasons are warped.
1. Trying to save on the electric bill. LOL.
2. The kitchen light shines in the bedroom and hubby is still in lala land.
3. The kitchen window faces the street and there I stand in my ratting old nightgown.
So as I walk silently, in the dark, across the kitchen floor to get the coffee - it happens. Something soft, squishy and odorous squeezes between my toes. I walk back to the bedroom leaving a trail of poop across the tile and into the bedroom. Another one of abilities she has lost.
As the shit hits the fan and is blown through my world I think the unthinkable. Is she suffering? Has her quality of life slipped below that level? She doesn't seem happy. Should I - her caregiver/mommy for all these years step up and turn off the fan? There appears to be a sadness in her face and I believe she at times is embarrassed for her lack of control.
Some friends have said, 'you'll know when it's time.' Do I know? Is it time? Euthanasia?

3 Things

Three things from yesterday that made me happy.

1. went shopping

2. bought stuff

3. read a book

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Tramp Stamp

It has nothing to do with the postal system.

I am not a fan of tattoos, it's a taboo for me. I have a low tolerance for pain and every time I see a tattooed body part I feel the pain. If you want to show off your individuality - wear a t-shirt with a stupid saying. Like the one I used to parade around in. "I'm with stupid", and an arrow pointing to my right. If you want to adorn your body with fine art buy some Native American ghost beads. I have mine and wear them all the time.
When one is 20 something the tattoo is most definitely in North America as one ages the tattoo slips down into South America on the body of a sharpei. You may have to lift the wrinkles and folds to even find the tattoo. So buy a t-shirt, they come in all sizes, colors and you can display your heritage, lack of heritage or your look alike cartoon character.
Back to the Tramp Stamp. I have seen young ladies and some that obviously are having young thoughts with their bar code prominently displayed on their back door. They always seem to wear the correct clothes that only cover up a tiny portion and show the stamp to all that pass by. I have seen these bar codes for years and cringe with the pain that travels down my backside. So, yesterday I heard someone refer to them as -Tramp Stamps - and I nearly fell out of my chair - laughing. I should do a body check on my two girls.
As for me and my body I will continue to wear t-shirts and ghost beads and Livestrong bracelets to own my identity.

3 Things

Three things from yesterday that made me happy.

1. hubby made homemade clam chowder

2. it was friday

3. I had a second bowl of chowder

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Garlic Moon

I was floating quietly in the pool on my wonderful blue foam raft that hubby bought me for my birthday, just veggin out after a tough day at the office, trying to meditate and chill out, thinking about the good times that are sure to roll my way real soon and save me from purgatory so I can enjoy the good life and become a lady of leisure, and have all my wants and desires served to me on a silver platter (sterling) expensive chocolates and fruity fru fru drinks sitting by the poolside with no clouds in the sky, and wish upon a star - and then I saw it!

I was so mystified that I almost fell off my wonderful blue foam raft that hubby bought for my birthday but really wanted it for himself and I hardly ever get to use it because he's usually cruising the pool on it with his un fruity fru fru drink perched on the edge of the pool trying to veg out but he's not a vegetarian like me, only now it is referred to as a plant based diet, who knows where that term came from.

I looked up toward the heavens and saw the moon which didn't even look like a moon but truly looked like a giant clove of garlic suspended in mid air with bright strands of light surrounding the giant clove of garlic. I was so impressed that a moon could be so garlic-like or that my imagination has taken a turn down a curvy unpaved country road in the middle of the city, so perhaps I have discovered another planet or an alien spaceship while lounging on my wonderful blue foam raft waiting to be beamed up and begin my new life on an unknown universe but then I remembered that all alien space craft are sent to site 51 so this really must be a garlic moon and it is not made out of cheese like some say and I know from reading Anne Rice novels that garlic is said to keep vampires and other cruel ugly monsters away as they are repelled from the odor that to me is not offensive and I love garlic and I love looking up at my garlic moon while floating aimlessly on my wonderful blue foam raft that hubby purchased for my last birthday, in the pool in the dark of the night with no stars in the sky just an occasional plane flying low over the gulf passing silently in front of the garlic moon and my imagination.

3 Things

Three things from yesterday that made me happy.

1. I indulged in chocolate

2. For lunch I devoured Greek Salad.

3. Swam naked in the pool.

Swim Naked

Florida living - for me - requires an in ground pool covered by a pool cage. A pool boy would be wonderful but, that ain't going to happen any time soon. However - there are some disadvantages to pool ownership. Not having a pool boy is not one of them.
The massive amounts of chemicals we dump in the pool has its consequences. We have friends who recently installed a salt system to their backyard oasis. The gap between us and the friends would be they have money to toss to the winds. So we survive with the chlorine laden water.
Chlorine has a devastating effect on swim attire, especially black attire. I do believe I could lie in the sun clad in my black bikini and get a tan right through the material. I know you can buy tan through swim wear at a hefty price. I bypassed that strategy by wearing my full length - skirt included swim wear in the pool for an entire year. The ravages of time have turned my suit into a skimpy see through stretched out barely acceptable rag.
It doesn't matter the quality or price of the swimsuit, the downfall and degradation of the weave is always there. So, trying to be green and save money (for that salt system) I have banned the wearing of swim wear in my backyard pool. I'm sure the neighbors get a good laugh. Actually we put up privacy screens around the lanai. One could be arrested for swimming ala naturelle in public. And the old guy next door may collapse from a coronary after taking in the view.
So irrational thoughts have swirled around inside my head, much like the automatic pool cleaner,( that does a sucky job but cost a small fortune) about starting a begging website for my needs. I heard there are many sites like that out there. One person had a blog for 'help me buy a boob job'. Whatever! I'm rather afraid that others will not fully understand my need for the salt system and not support my endeavor.
I have decided to toss in the towel and become a full time naked swimmer. Since I will not have to purchase that yearly $40.00 swimsuit I can pocket the money in a salt system account. Now - do the math - System - $4,000. - equals $40.00 a year times how many years? I'm thinking I will get there faster with a begging website.
Swim naked and save Lycra.

3 Things

Three things from yesterday that made me happy.

1. The pool temperature hit 90 degrees.

2. My bronchitis is under control.

3. The dog didn't pee on the floor.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

How to get stupid w/o trying

About a month ago I wandered into this tacky tourist trap gift emporium. My eyes were magnetized to this cute little necklace. It was silver (not sterling) and had this delicate little silver flip-flop charm.
I snatched that baby up cuz it matched my silver (sterling) flip-flop earrings. I felt flip-flop coordinated. I put it on and then go about my life. Every once in a blue moon my hand reached up to caress the silver gem. I never removed it from my bod. I should add that I have been a pool lizard lounger all summer. You know - water with enough chemicals in it to turn my hair white.
I slipped into a very summery low cut dress this morning. For some strange reason I checked myself in the mirror - close-up and personal. I noticed this haze around my silver (not sterling) necklace. I popped in my contacts for a better view. I lifted up the silver (not sterling) necklace and screamed!!! OMG!!! I had green ring around the neck.
How long have I been like this? Just last week I got a haircut and she never mentioned to me about my green halo and I gave her a huge tip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to remove green around the collar? Long time - I ended up removing layers of my skin. Now I can be called a redneck.

3 Things

Three things from yesterday that made me happy.

1. I brainstormed my new idea with my daughter.

2. I went to Sonic.

3. The dog didn't pee on the floor.

This is getting easier.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

3 Things

Three things from yesterday that made me happy.

1. my doctor gave me free samples so I didn't have to buy prescriptions

2. the dog didn't pee on the floor

3. the pool temperature hit 87


What is that strange word? Staycations. Some would like for us to think it's all about staying green, helping the local economy, stress free vacations and enjoying nature - and it is true. But the true meaning of staycations = we can't afford the gas to drive anyplace, the airline tickets are too high and our income has not increased.
So, we opt to take a vacation at home or at a local park. We can have a barbecue, take a family hike around the park, ride our bikes on a trail or lounge lazily in the backyard hammock. Very little investment is spent on these staycations and the stress - well - the bike has a flat tire, my hiking boots are moldy and beef prices are beyond my means. Hello - there is still stress on a staycations.
We need to make the best of our staycations. Pretend your backyard sits along the Florida Keys and your pool boy will be there at a moments notice and the gourmet chef is your significant other. I am all for relaxing times at home but I still want the adventure the intrigue that comes from visiting new places NOT the local doggy park. Watch where you step.
Staycations are here to stay for many of us. I will get lost in a great book, prop my feet up and drink my margarita out of a green plastic cup and pretend I'm in a tropical paradise.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Eleanor Roosevelt

I am so NOT BRAVE!!! So when I read this blog - I decided to face my closet demons - head on.

"Do one thing everyday that scares you," inspired by Eleanor Roosevelt. At times just getting my body out of bed scares me. Then, once out I am forced to face life and what she has dished out to me. I prefer to ignore things that give me negative feelings or thoughts. Let me find my rock and crawl under it, shut the door, pull down the shades and turn off the lights, even darkness is scary. You just can't hide forever so face the scary stuff. Easier said than done!!!

Today - I will try, move forth and confront the barriers. Find a way around them, through them or remove them.

I can make my own rules for this endeavor. I can set my own schedule, time frame, rewards, benefits and achievements. It's me accepting my power and going forth into the dark abyss or just making that phone call. I can and I will.

Writing a blog can be scary at times. Will anyone read it? What to do with negative comments? What will I say?
I blog for me, it's therapy and it doesn't involve co payments or prying eyes of the medical field. It helps me be me.

So - I will try for one month to -Do one thing everyday that scares me. Now, to go clean out my closet.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

One Tiny Step For Mankind or Womenkind

I have been reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and trying to grasp the full meaning. It has been a difficult journey and I am still on the road. It's a small book overflowing with intensity and foreign concepts. You must believe - is the core of the philosophical findings.
At times it is hard to believe in something I cannot see or touch. The essence of the book takes us far beyond touching or seeing. I live in a pretend world so I am able to comprehend parts of the book.
This morning as I lay in bed dealing with the remains of my sinus infection ( I tried to will it away without any satisfaction) a humble mosquito became my focus. I heard the buzzing by my ear and swatted into the air. Seconds later the buzzing was back - nasty little bugger must have 9 lives like a cat. I swatted again and again, surely I could smush him in my hand. The buzzing continued.
I thought about this tiny little critter flying around in my large room looking to suck some blood. At that point in time I could relate myself to the expansive universe. How tiny and small I am compared to the vastness of the universe. If a minuscule mosquito can find his satisfaction in a large area surely I can find my own satisfaction in our gigantic universe.
I am feeling more confident now - thanks to a tiny mosquito that I eventually smushed. This maneuver also reminds me of my vulnerability. My understanding of the Secret has moved me closer to Nirvana. I ask the universe for energy.