Sunday, December 30, 2007

Travel Review

Saturday AM hit the road in fog. Road conditions on I75 south- not too bad. A little lackluster across Alligator Alley - spotted only a few gators - but then, it's winter.
Road condition in Miami - not bad at all - for a change. A pit stop at the mall in Kendall. Great lunch at an Italian place and we ate outside with the dog. The parking lot was scary - angry people looking for a place to park. Lots of horn honking and a few space fights? Whatever - get a life. One man stood in an empty spot saving it.
Thr Ramada Inn in Florida City - not bad for the price. Right next door an outlet mall and found a GREAT divers warehouse. Bought a shorty wetsuit for 30 bucks. The hotel room coulda shoulda been a little cleaner but for a one night stand it was okay. And I have seen a lot of bad hotels. Will check out their breakfast (free) in a few and head on down to Key West. Can't wait to get in the water and try out my new wetsuit.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Returning to the sea


The old year is coming to an end as the New Year is ready to descend upon us all. Some will celebrate with fireworks; some will let the New Year slip in quietly. I have my list ready for the New Year. My QUESTS, my dreams, my inspirations swirl inside my half-empty head.
I will sit at the edge of the earth or more precisely the edge of Florida and watch the sun rise and set. Mile marker 0 will be my destination and my beginning. I will watch the waves crash against the rocky beach and toss out to sea all my broken promises and missed opportunities. I will laugh and cry. I will dream and parts inside will die. I will reach out my hand and pull it back for lack of failure.
The sea will whisper to me her lullaby and it will repair my shattered soul. My tears will become one with the salty sea and my sadness will be washed away with the tide. My smile and contentment will shine along with the sun and the blue sky.
The New Year will begin and I will be swept away with hopes and desire.
The sea she calls to me – soothes me and protects me – sets me free – and inspires me.


Friday, December 28, 2007

Pillow Talk

Once upon a time in a land not too far away (actually it happened right here and now) (well, actually not right here and now, it was the day before yesterday) there lived a man who had a pillow. It was not your average pillow and I suspect not your average man. I guess the word 'average' is not very descriptive or accurate. We all know men are not average. Well, at least not seen in their own pretty blue eyes.

Apparently this man was secure enough in his manhood that he could have a pillow - like this one. It was a red satin heart shaped pillow filled with those tiny little beads that you hope never come out of that cute little red satin pillow and make messes all over the house. They cling and stick to anything and everything like chocolate to the tongue and they multiply like wild rabbits. So that describes the pillow. Describing the man is much more difficult.

The little red satin heart shaped pillow accompanied the man to bed every night and traveled around the country and back again. Once it was left at an in-laws house and it had to be overnighted back to him. Another time it was left unoticed for days at a friends house and the man searched relentlessly for the much loved item. Another time, another trip it was left in the trunk of the car overnight. Once it was left out in the rain and the dog used it for a cushion or perhaps a fire hydrant?

The little red satin heart shaped pillow began to show its age. Repairs were made on the soft squishy pillow. White thread sewing up a small tear near the curve. Grey duct tape covering the large chunk missing from the dog episode. The red satin sheen long gone and the cloth was wearing thin in certain spots.

The dutiful wife suggested another, nicer, better smelling pillow as a replacement. But the man would never even consider relinquishing his little red satin heart shaped pillow. He hugged it closer when these comments were made. It seemed he and the little pillow were mates.

Sadly, just two days ago the little red satin heart shaped pillow was left at a motel along the interstate. It's return is not likely. So the man must go on without the little red satin heart shaped pillow that has been by his side for all these years. He must tuffen up and face the consequences of the little lost pillow.

And the dutiful wife will search out a new pillow similar to the old one - looking and smelling much better and present it to the man. And they will live happily ever after in a land where pillows give a man character and obsessions.

Friday, December 21, 2007

See me Feel me

The sea
She calls to me

With her elegant melodies
and hypnotic healing powers
She tugs at my heartstrings
Rejuvenates my body
Electrifies my soul
Mellows my weary mind
Soothes my harsh thoughts
Inspires my enthusiasm
Her glow descends upon me
flooding me with rapture
Brightens my spirit
Charges my batteries
Calms my fears
Heightens my dreams
Dries my tears
Renews my hopes

And the sea she sets me free
while holding me close to reality

Thursday, December 20, 2007

War, Terrorists and Freedom

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW

"WE WOULD RATHER
DO BUSINESS WITH
1000 ALQAEDA TERRORISTS

THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER!"



This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia . You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedoom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

And after all, it is just a sign. You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.



Answer:
A Funeral Home(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?) You gotta love it!!!

God Bless America

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Cheers

The holidays are descending rapidly upon us. There is joy, happiness, stress, sorrow and many hardships. The Christmas season pretends to be a time of uplifting harmony and joy. For many this is just not so.
Home foreclosures, bankruptcies, illnesses, unemployment, loss of loved ones and depression touch so many lives. Christmas is also a lonely time for those apart from their family and loved ones. The suicide rate is extremely high during the holidays.
My thoughts are for everyone to look to the bright future and find peace and renewal. You may feel like you have very little but remember there are always others that have much less than what you have.
Think positive thoughts and they will multiply like mosquitoes in summer. Think of others and not your own issues. Focus on the positive. Take one day at a time.
Be kind and thoughtful to all and especially to yourself. Smile on the outside and it will trickle down to the inside.

Check out this website and buy this great inspiring book.
http://www.amazon.com/Acquired-Hope-Advanced-Recovery-Empowerment/dp/1419658522/sr=11-1/qid=1168267856/ref=sr_11_1/002-3026846-1543205


Holiday cheer and happiness!!!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Shake, Rattle and Panic

I thought it would be a good time to tackle the car mess and try for some type of organization. Get everything in order and sparkly clean before the holidays. I removed piles of stuff from the glove compartment: tossed out the 4 pairs of scratched sunglasses, a years worth of napkins from fast food restaurants, two packs of ketchup, gas receipts that were three years old and dehydrated lemon drops. I sorted all of the DVD’s and placed them in a storage container in alphabetical order. Purchased bright blue seat covers for the front seats and matching floor mats.
I placed all the coins in the coin holder for toll roads. Maps were folded and placed in the side door pockets. I even bought a new compact road atlas and trashed the old taped one the size of a small suitcase. I cleaned mirrors, windows, dashboard and all the cup holders. I purchased these cute eyeglass holders that attach to the visors and clipped the good sunglasses on them. It keeps them out of the way at an easy reach and perhaps no more scratches. You could go over this baby with a white glove and only be a little dirty. I was proud.
Monday morning rolls around – all too soon and off to work I go. Traffic is extremely heavy and the roads are crammed with crazy drivers. I sing along with the Plain White T’s on my new CD. I am thankful all the windows are rolled up. Then, I hear the noise. I turn off the CD and ignore the wild commuters. I slow and listen intently. The noise is vibrating from the hood or the front of the car. My heart pounds with the thumping noise. I don’t know which one is pounding the loudest?
My mind slightly mush wonders if the left front wheel is ready to go flying off crossing two lanes and rolling to a dead stop in the median. Perhaps the engine bolts have come loose and the engine will drop right out in the middle of the road in rush hour traffic. I wish I listened to that salesman and added AAA coverage. Someone beeps at my snails pace. I step slightly on the gas. The fool passes and flips me off.
The noise intensifies. Now I believe it is emanating from the wipers. I’m doing 60 miles an hour what if they come undone? They could become a lethal weapon, especially for that guy in the right hand lane riding the motorcycle with no helmet. What should I do? I’m in the center lane and no one will let me over. Panic sets in. My heart races like a Lippizan stallion.
The car is not that old. Wouldn’t you think it would not fall apart on a Monday in rush hour traffic? I could be stranded for hours. I’ll be late for work. I might get fired. My panic is near hysteria. I’m on the verge of hyperventilating. Someone may need to call 911. Will anyone stop to help me? Do I want anyone to stop and help me? They could be serial killers or car-jackers. My breathing becomes ragged.
The early morning sun glares through my side window almost blinding me adding to my rising anxiety. My trembling hand reaches up and grabs the sun visor and flips it to the side. Quiet fills the space within the car. I push the visor back against the windshield and the noise erupts again. I flip it up and see the metal sunglasses clipped to the new eyeglass holder. I watch the metal glasses vibrate against the clip holder. I sigh with overwhelming relief. I reach over to the shiny clean cup holder and grab for my coffee. Whoops. I missed. My coffee with two creams no sugar slowly drips down the pretty new seat cover.

Monday, December 17, 2007

WD 40

WD-40 USES:I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do--probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD-40--who knew? Water Displacement #40.
The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego RocketChemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a" water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you. When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Voila! It's now shinie r than it's ever been. You'll be amazed. Here are some of the uses:

1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making itslippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains.
8) Loosens stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
18) Removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem toharm the finish, and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get themoff. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot ofmarks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removedquickly! Use WD-40!
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fastslide.
21) Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease ofhandling on riding mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes themeasier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles,as well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, andbicycles for easy handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps themrunning smoot hly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and othertools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees torelieve arthritis pain.
37) Florida's favorite use is: "cleans and removes love bugsfrom grills and bumpers."
38) The favorite use in the state of New York WD-40 protects theStatue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or luresand you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lotcheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just thatpurpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or luresfor fishing are not allowed in somestates.
40) Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting awayimmediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on themark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter haswashed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate thelipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it woulddisplace the moisture and allow the car to start.
44) Keep a can of WD-40 in the kitchen, it is good for ovenburns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling awa y andheals with NO scarring.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

MEME

If you’re not a blogger, you may be wondering.... What’s a meme? A meme is a social networking technique to connect, to share information, meet friends and pass long great information to friends that you know. Ever heard of that 6 person rule, that you are always no more than 6 people away from anyone...watch how the tagging can come back to you.The meme and it’s rules are passed around from blogger to blogger by tagging each other.
Here are the rules when you get tagged:
The Rules:
1) Link to your tagger, and post these rules on your blog
2) Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird
3) Tag 6 people at the end of your post by links to their blogs
4) Let them know they’re tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

So here are 7 facts about me:

1. I am a middle child
2. I love the sound and serenity of the ocean
3. I love chocolate
4. My soul mate inspires me
5. I have 3 turtles, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 7 koi, 6 goldfish
6. My sign is Gemini
7. I hate snakes

tagged -

www.AbundantAttitude.com

http://sitebaker.com

http://www.myparkphotos.com/Browse/?object=member&member_id=2463

http://www.myparkphotos.com/Browse/?object=photos&member_id=322&how=1

http://www.betterphoto.com/gallery/gallery.asp?mem=43864

http://www.betterphoto.com/gallery/gallery.asp?mem=62005

e-mail

Very Interesting............... This is what Oxi clean is... did you know that???? 3% peroxide This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana "I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little old bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide, or they would lose thousands of dollars." 1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe) No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says mouth wash and gargle right on the bottle) 2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of "Peroxide" to keep them free of germs. 3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters. 4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria. 5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry. 6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide. 7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will. 8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold, or plugged sinuses. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into a tissue. 9. If you h ave a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly. 10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change. 11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils, fungus, or other skin infections. 12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Luminaries

It hasn’t rained in my area of Florida for over a month. The grass is brown the flowers are all shriveled. I don’t water because it’s too expensive. So I thought I would add color for the holidays. During my Candlelight walking home tour I noticed everyone had really cute luminaries. They were bright and when lit very colorful.

I purchased the plain white bags, the expensive ones. The brown bags are just not acceptable. I poured in the fresh kitty litter and placed a vanilla scented tea lite inside. I chose vanilla for the fragrance and they cost more. I lined my walkway and my driveway. They looked elegant. My plan was to light them for the first time on Friday evening when we returned from a party.
We have finally broken the – no rain – record. The downpour began just as we were leaving the party to drive home. Since we live an hour away I was sure it was not raining at my house. Wrong!!!
I stepped out of the car to see my precious luminaries. Clumps of white fiber lay scattered along my walks and driveway. Kitty litter flowed along the edge of the grass while an army of little silver cups huddled by the mailbox. Little round dollops of wax stamped with tire tracks adorned the curve of the cul de sac.
My grass was a bit greener and it sure smelled like vanilla. The luminary project is one of many holiday memories I will cherish.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wishes

I wish for health, wealth, happiness and blogs with many views.
World peace or whirled peas
Inter peace or enter please
Lower taxes – higher pay
No pollution
Clean floors
More rain
Green grass
No sandspurs
A cure for cancer
Achievable goals
Mysteries solved
More responsibility
Free from responsibility
A body free from aches and pains
An internet that never goes down
Songs in my heart
Music for my soul
A constant ocean breeze
Glorious sunsets and sunrises
To win at Freecell
Persistent patience
Prosperity in my heart

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Job Description

An e-mail I received from my old boss.

PARENT - Job Description If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!! POSITION TITLES: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated , at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION Get this! You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. BENEFITS While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Candlelight Tour of Homes

Yesterday I went on a Candlelight Tour of Homes in a very unique neighborhood in Florida. The homes were built around 1900. The architectural styles were diverse, elegant and quaint. The houses ranged from Craftsman to Queen Anne Victorian. The neighborhood is known as “The Old Northeast.”

The houses were wonderfully restored cared for and some had undergone fantastic high tech renovations. These grand homes have views of the waterfront; sit between brick streets and back alleys. Old oak trees draped with Spanish moss, huge clay pots spurting water and wrap around friendly porches welcome all.

Sidewalks were lined with luminary candles adding ambiance to the tour. Tranquility and perfection greeted you as you walked through the homes and the magnificent yards. Alluring outside sitting areas pulled you back in time where life passed at a slower pace.

Inside these elegant homes I saw no laundry baskets, no newspapers left on the coffee table, a weeks worth of junk mail perched on the kitchen island. The bathroom sinks were void of wads of toothpaste crusted to the rim. Actually I didn’t even see a toothbrush or an old ceramic toothbrush holder. I made a mental note of my own bathroom: a towel drying across the side of the tub, a shampoo bottle open and dripping green liquid down the side of my shower. Where was the most needed bathroom item? The big ugly black plunger was nowhere in sight.

I went home with wonderful ideas and great memories. This was my first Candlelight Tour of Homes in the “Old Northeast “neighborhood and hopefully not my last. Sadly, I have come to the realization – even if I owned one of these elegant homes – mine would not be on the tour. I wouldn’t know where to hide the plunger, the kitty litter box; the dog food dish and all my JUNK STUFF that I enjoy piled high everywhere.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Hikers Brigade

Yesterday I went for a hike in one of Florida’s wonderful state parks. Florida’s state parks are diverse, romantic and spectacular. I love them. So, off I go on my hike with hubby and relatives (not from Florida). We wanted to share the awesome beauty of our state.
We head off down a path we have never traveled before. Soon, very soon we end up in a ‘restricted area’? Okay – backtrack. We find another path and that dead-ends in a field of palmettos. Okay – backtrack. Yet another path appears and off we go.
This path takes us into the deep dark swamp land. That black mud doesn't look like quicksand. The feel of black, mucky, yucky mud flowing rapidly over the tops of my new white New Balance sneakers really is an inspiration. Then ever so slowly the black, mucky, yucky, sticky, smelly mud seeps down toward my toes encased in new white sport socks.

Okay - backtrack. Where is that path we usually take? Nothing looks familiar. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? I see a well traveled path.
“Let’s take that,” I say. Off we go into the inner jungles of Florida. Soon, very soon the well traveled path becomes overgrown. The tangle trees make a canopy blocking out the sun and any available light. Poison ivy is everywhere. Sandspurs fly through the air and attack my once white socks. I hear rustling in the underbrush. Do I scream? Is it Bigfoot? Is there a Bigfoot in Florida? There must be I just don’t know what we call him?

The rustling noise comes closer and I see the underbrush moving. Panic sets in. We did not leave an itinerary. No one on this earth knows where we are. Except for Bigfoot and I think he’s hungry. I am frozen to the ground. The brush flattens right before my terrified stiff body. Out crawls a small tortoise and prances right by me. My heart beats regular once again. We trudge on into the wilds of Florida.

Something soft and sticky smacks me in the face. I reach up and wipe away the mess. The thin stringy, sticky mass clings to my face and fingers. Out of the corner of my eye I see a slight movement, it’s big and hairy. A Bigfoot baby for real. A scream is clogged in my throat. Hubby says, “Look at that big spider.”

Second on my frighten me to death list is spiders. Darkness surrounds me and my world slips away. I dream that we have made a great impression on our family not from Florida.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Green and Guilt

Last week I had to rent a car to travel across the state for a seminar. It was one of those green ones. No, not the color of the car but the new buzz word – green -, it means environmentally conscious. The reason I rented a vehicle was because my gas-guzzling mammoth SUV is permanently parked in my two car garage.

The last time I took her for a spin I received numerous evil looks from others. So intimidation worked quite well on me. I felt guilty for driving my gas-guzzling bus. I should not have to feel this way. I earned the money to buy this behemoth and I work hard to get a weekly paycheck to pay for the gas. So why should these holier than thou freaks give me a rough time? Anyway, I buckled and parked her.

So she sits in my two car garage gathering dust. In the here and now I am riding my bike to work. Now, that is being GREEN. Although on cool mornings my bike is covered with dew. My bike is parked outside because there is no room in the garage. My deed restricted neighborhood does not allow any out buildings in one’s yard. It seems like they are against me being GREEN.

Another possible reason she is parked inside this two car space could be the fact that I have lost the garage door opener. When I parked her in the garage it was so tight that I had to climb out of the sunroof. I believe they are now called a moon roof or a sky roof. I really wish they wouldn’t change terms like that without letting me know. I like things to stay the same, like names of objects, where to leave the remotes and the low gas prices. Sameness makes me feel secure in my confusing world of fantasy.

So she almost touches the walls inside the garage so I can’t even reach the garage door button on the inside wall. Getting her out I will probably need an engineer or at least one of those home organizer’s that have their own T.V. shows. So at this point I believe I must be adding to the green of the world by not using my gas-guzzling lovely SUV. I see others on the roads driving their beast of burdens and they don’t seem guilty. Why do I?

Monday, December 3, 2007

Denta

You pack the sand into turrets and dig a moat surrounding the sculpture. Shells, twigs and a little seaweed are added for bling. You stand back proud of your accomplishment. You have created a one of a kind sand castle, unique and lovely. Then out of nowhere leaps a rogue wave and washes your dream castle out to sea. All the hard work and love you have pored into your project gone in an instant. You stand there helpless and sad, with a heavy heart. Could you have done something different? Perhaps built it farther away from the surf or put in a deeper moat?

Does peanut butter stick to the roof of your mouth leaving you speechless? A rip in the side of your new leather jacket leaves you fuming. The neighbors barking dog renders you into a sleepless night. The rain pours down on your wedding day to complicate the plans. The last two slices of bread burnt to a crisp in the inefficient toaster. You find yourself out of gas on a dark country road. The world seems against you and tries to dampen your enthusiasm. Sadness, despair and repercussions fill the space inside you. Then your thoughts drift to that special one that brings brightness to the darkness where you reside.

You rebuild that perfect sandcastle in the exact same spot as the previous one. You add shells and bits of scraps washed on shore by the waves. Your sculpture reaches to new heights and beauty. You dig a deep moat and place tunnels though out the structure. Reinforcement is added. You stand back to admire your creativity and wait for that wave. The wave will come. And you are helpless. In your heart you know you did the best.

When we become overwhelmed by sadness and despair and our structure is weakened and washed out to see: we suffer in silence. Darkness and gloom beat at our sensibility. Souls are shattered. Hearts are split apart. The waves have taken the turrets the shells and the seaweed but never our dreams. We still love the sea and all she gives and takes.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

How Not To

A how to guide on painting a gunite in ground pool.

DON’T.

For the sake of your sanity and that of your spouse, please hire someone to complete the project. Pay an expert – anything. Remortgage the house, cash in your retirement; sell all your belongings at a garage sale. I speak with the voice of experience.
The day begins. Search for the rental place, get lost several times finally give in and call them and ask for specific directions. I know it is not a manly trait to ask for directions but I won’t tell a soul. This is when you truly realize that size does matter. Small truck, 10 bags of sand, lots of huge hoses, the thingy that holds all the sand, the lovely sandblasting outfit. And then the compressor itself is almost as big as the truck. Will our little truck really pull this behemoth?
The ride home is scary all ten bags of sand are sitting on the back seat slowly leaking out sand. I’m hoping we don’t have to stop fast. We arrive home safe but anxious. Drag out the equipment and the 10 bags of sand. Perhaps I could use the leaf blower on the cloth seats.
I won’t mention that part about hubby breaking a part. It did require a trip back to the rental place. I stayed home and drank coffee. An hour later the master returns. I help him suit up. I take pictures of the alien astronaut crawling around the bottom of the empty pool. He pushes the button. Nuttin. No sound, no movement no nuttin. The darn thing doesn’t work.
Mr. Fixit himself is on the phone with the rental people for hours. It’s a Saturday they close at 1pm. They promise to contact the mechanic that is on call but he may not be reached till tomorrow. Okay, this is a daily rental and day one is slowly slipping past.
The sky is darkening, looks like rain in the forecast. Why does this not surprise me? Perhaps tomorrow the mechanic will show up.

Black Friday

Black Friday

I rolled out of bed the red numbers on the clock said 6:30 am. So the really, really good (LOL) sales started at 4 am. I ground beans for the coffee and started the Krups machine. I walked the dogs, gulped down two cups of fresh brewed coffee, fed all the animals, ate breakfast and took a shower. I sat outside and drank coffee number three. I needed the caffeine and used low fat creamer, so I feel I’m safe. I tossed in a load of whites, piled the darks next to the dryer and swept the kitchen floor. I gave the dog her pill, disguised in a slice of ham and put in her eye medicine. Right eye – antibiotic, left eye – artificial tears. I rechecked the bottles to make sure I did the correct eyes. I removed some leftover turkey and made turkey salad for dinner. I looked at the clock on the kitchen stove and it blinked 11:00 am. Now I’m really, really late for all those spectacular sales.
I drove over to my friends and we sat and talked and devoured turkey sandwiches. I watched the noon news and saw throngs of people standing in line waiting for the stores to open. Then the camera switched to the customers entering the stores. I witnessed people pushing, running and yelling with the look of terror on their faces. It reminded me of the crusaders going off to war. And here I sit missing all this action. The time now is 2:00 pm. My friend and I head off to a little store nearby. The parking lot was quite empty and there was no yelling and pushing. We scouted the clearance rack and looked for bargains. I spent a total of $15.00 and my friend spent a little more. Our spending frenzy satisfied we drove home with happy faces.
We missed the crowds, the confusion, and the traffic jam and perhaps a few bargains but we had a great time. I walked the dogs, fed all the animals, removed the clothes from the dryer ate a turkey salad sandwich and watched the 6 pm news. They started with the major traffic jam on I-75 and then the mass confusion for a parking spot at the mall. Am I sorry I missed all the great bargains? Actually I believe I got the best bargain.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Woebegone

It hasn’t rained here in over a month. We have put off the enormous task for over a year. On Wednesday we decide to tackle the issue. We rent a sump pump, drag out the pressure washer and go to work. The mission to drain the 32 foot pool begins. It becomes an all day process. At last it is finished and pressure washed. A clean slate ready to begin the transformation we had put off for way too long. We drop into bed drained from all energy. Muscles revolting from lack of use remind us of their displeasure. Morning breaks through dark and cold. Giant pellets of rain splatter on the dry pool surface. Rain continues for most of the day. I stand by and watch the empty clean pool fill once again with water. The sump pump returned our options are minimal. With buckets, cups and paper towels our work begins. Once again the pool is clean and dry. Friday comes swiftly as many are heading out for bargains and we stand at the edge of the pool. The morning sky dark like Black Friday itself lets us know Mother Nature prevails. Rain came slowly in miniscule drops. Woe is me.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. I think. I guess. Perhaps. Maybe – maybe not. I don’t know. I’m so confused. I just read that the first Thanksgiving is just a myth. It really happened in Florida. There was no turkey, no pumpkin pie – just beans. Should I toss out the turkey and open a can of pork-n-beans? Next thing they will be telling me the earth is flat. I suspected this all along! If I’m not careful where I walk I could fall right off the edge. Would I end up in hell? Or am I already there?
I’ve also read that if your children watched Sesame Street years ago they may have been psychologically damaged. Remember Oscar the grouch and Big Bird with his imaginary friend. What have I done to my children? And now all the children are obese due to that jolly old man in the red suit that comes around in December. England has banned fat Santa’s. They need to trim down they are setting a bad example for our children. Don’t mention that he breaks into your home in the middle of the night and eats your chocolate chips cookies and drinks all the egg nog. (thank you) Well, that means less sugar for the kiddies to get fat on.
My thoughts on child obesity are – here goes!
Our children are obese because their parents sit in front of the computer 24/7 and blog leaving the poor young-uns to fend for themselves.
Since I still believe in the tooth fairy, the lottery fairy and happy ever after (I saw Enchanted yesterday at the theatre) I am going to celebrate Thanksgiving with turkey and all the trimmings – no beans. I hope my children will forgive me for making them watch Sesame Street and letting a fat old man in a red suit be a role model. I will tell their father to stop wearing that suit. I will reduce my computer time by 10 minutes per day and buy lean cuisine frozen meals. I’m still unsure about the circumference of earth.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

flugpo

I have found a kool new blog at http://www.flugpo.com. They do mucho advertising, fun and interesting blogs and free online classified ads.
The pack leader can be found at http://flugpo-blog.blogspot.com
Check them out.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Obsession

Obsession. Are you afflicted by it? What does it mean? The dictionary says - to preoccupy intensely or abnormally, preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. So I am preoccupied with getting the remote away from hubby. Does that make me obsessive? I want to be rich. Is that an unreasonable idea? What is unreasonable? Are my off the wall ideas or feelings obsessive? Am I obsessing over this word? When I leave the house I worry that I have left the side door unlocked or the iron plugged in on hot. Should I go back? What if I don't? I worry about forgetting to use the spell checker on e-mails. How do you retrieve an e-mail already sent? So what does the person think when they receive my e-mail with bad spelling? I will spend the rest of the day with an abnormall preoccupation that I am obsessive.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Raspberries and Rhinos

So my friend invites me to go beach camping. I’m always ready for an adventure so hubby and I accept. Our last camping excursion was not too successful. This adventure includes my friend and three pre teen girls.
The campground was nice, small, right on the Gulf of Mexico and filled with gigantic RV’s. We had a pup tent. We found our plot of paradise right on the corner. We set up our dwelling and I felt like an ant at the Grand Canyon. We were surrounded by 40 foot shiny behemoths. We had a pup tent. A pup tent set up on a sharp corner of paradise. If I do the math calculations - forty feet making a sharp right turn on five feet of roadway, 3 foot pup tent hugging the curve. I believe any rolling penthouse will be a few feet shy of making that corner. So we parked our truck right smack in front of the pup tent. Once one of those mobile suites smacks into the truck the noise will awaken us and we can flee to safety. We feel free to begin our adventure with our temporary homestead securely in place and protected by the truck. The white sandy beach beckons five responsible adults and three giggly giddy girls.
We trudge down the beach. My friend points and says, “That’s where all the action is. See those white tents. The sand sculpture contest is right in that area.”
It’s funny how the mind plays tricks on us. The farther we walked toward the white tents the farther away they appeared. How can that be? A mirage? I being the most sensible of the adults in this procession have worn shoes. After what seemed to be hours of walking we arrived at the festival. And it was an amazing site. Within seconds hubby has vanished into the troves of people. He has in his possession the car keys, the money and the water. Hours slip by and I am thirsty, tired and cranky. I want to return to the pup tent perched precariously on the corner space. As thoughts become reality he shows up. I bite my tongue – ouch – and say nothing. Although the less than hospitable eye contact reaches him he just smirks at me. He knows what I am thinking. We leave the heat of the beach and head for the main roadway to catch a trolley back to the campground. We have come prepared with pocketfuls of quarters.
The green metal trolley bench is perched right in the sun along the main road. There are about 60 unhappy looking people waiting for a trolley that holds 20 bodies. Let’s do the math. One woman mutters that she has been sitting in the hot sun on the green metal bench for over an hour. Let’s do the math again. We discuss our situation and the decision is made to walk to the next trolley stop. Off we go with smug faces and most with bare feet: bare feet on a rough hot sidewalk. I look down at my Crocs and snicker.
Twenty minutes later we stumble upon the trolley stop. No green metal bench just a sign indicating the trolley runs on the hour. Twenty cranky looking people hover at this trolley stop. We pass by and head to the next stop. The sidewalk becomes rougher and hotter. I look at my feet encased with protection.
The giggly giddy girls begin to whine. Hubby pulls out his sandals he has stashed in the backpack and hands them to the girls. They take turns wearing the sandals. They beg for a taxi. I eye the bike chained to a tree but realize I have left the hacksaw at home. We see a scooter ‘For Sale’ only $1,200. We have a pocket full of quarters. Perhaps they would take the quarters for a down payment. Then the math facts come into play again: scooter for two, six people walking down a hot rough sidewalk. Oh and just a pocket full of quarters. We trudge on for what seems like hours but it most likely minutes. We find another trolley stop and slip silently onto the green metal bench.
I see the trolley before I hear it. Our excitement is uncontainable. Shouts of triumph spill over the weary travelers. The green trolley breezes by, the driver waves and we see the FULL sign in the window. They are no printable words for my feelings. Hours of walking with grumbling girls finally brings us back to the campground. Our illegally parked truck is absent. A yellow towing notice is taped to the electrical box on our site. Big black tire tread marks run across the top of our crumpled pup tent.

Friday, November 9, 2007

whispering wannabee

My problem child is this 100 pound German Shepard with enough energy to run an entire city. Oh - if only I could harness his energy and use it for profit and pilferage. I could chemically alter it and charge $2.00 a gallon and still make a profit. Back to the walk from hell. I watch Cesar Milan the dog whiperer with intense passion. He is my hero. I have worked and worked with the problem child following Cesar's advice but we still have major issues. This morning on our walk or drag I saw a school bus stop and watched that metal arm swing out to stop kids from crossing behind the bus. So this lightbulb (energy effecient) goes off inside my head. Why couldn't I make a swinging arm like the bus and attach it to my body to keep the big boy behind me and not in front of me. That would truly make me the pack leader. I wonder how much all that metal would weigh? I suppose I would need a patent and then what happens when walking down the sidewalk and a car is parked illegally on the sidewalk and out goes that metal arm and smacks against that nice new shiny Hummer. Well, serves them right for buying a fuel guzzling dinosaur. And then there are all those mailboxes along the side of the road. So I see some problems with this invention. I should put that thought on the back burner and fume about what London is trying to do to poor old Mr. Claus. They want jolly (fat) Santa to be slimmed down. Apparently he is a bad influence on children causing obesity. Perhaps they should produce my mechanical dog walking device and place them thoughout the city and on school grounds. The obese or likely to be obese children could jump over the metal arm and this could be their exercise for the day. Then poor old Santa Claus can stay fat and jolly.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Work

I had to take a break from writing my great American novel. I have to do this thing called 'going to work'. And that's like 5 days a week. I get up at 6AM have coffee read the paper load the dishwasher, feed the animals, pack my lunch, eat breakfast, walk the dog, get dressed and jump in the car and head south but first I have to spend most of my paycheck to fill up the gas tank and then head south again, weave in and out of traffic take a shortcut to miss the backlog of an accident on my usual route and get caught in parking lot traffic on the freeway, mumble to myself, turn the radio up louder and feel like that was surely not the way to go and finally get out of one mess and get caught up in another traffic jam and watch all the rad racer drivers around me go crazy and fast and drive on the shoulder, honk their horns, yack on the cell phone and just be plain obnoxious, so I get to work only five minutes late and try to make up time grab my coffee cup from the holder by the top only and slip from my car and ooops the cup was not connected to the lid and there goes the semi hot coffee all over my jacket, try to clean off the mess with a white paper towel but all the lint sticks out like a sore thumb on my navy blue jacket so I say 'oh well' and hurry to my desk and log on or try to log on to the computer but the internet is down so I can't access my files then they call me to cover the front desk while the receptionist does whatever and the internet is still down and my lesson plans and progress reports are not completed and they were only due yesterday my headache begins and it isn't even time for bed so the day was pretty much the same as my spilt coffee and then I get to leave and fight the traffic all the way back home by now the sun has disappeared and it's dark and the lights twinkle in my eye causing my contacts confusion so it doubles everything I see including headlights I pull in the driveway and hope the thump wasn't the neighbor kids bike left in my driveway again and so what if it is except for I think it's stuck under the car, I walk in the house drop my stuff on the floor and there is Mr. Wonderful with his great smile and dinner on the stove I blow him kisses walk by the cat sitting on the counter and she slaps at me for some reason or another who knows with her attitude, I eat my dinner walk the dog unload the dishwasher, read the paper again clean up the dog mess that was hidden from sight flop on the couch, fight Mr Wonderful for the remote, give up, stumble into the bedroom and wait for the new day to begin all over again. So perhaps on the weekend I can continue with my great American novel.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Alice in Stumbleland

Chaper 2

Tormented screams cut the air like a box cutter on cardboard. Participatory outrage boiled from all sides. The heavy hemp ropes started to sway. Sur Amboy stood in shock for a mere second and then he sprung into his savior mode. Sur Parrish was gone. The bikers sending swift karate chops at the attackers did little to slow the onslaught of violence. A cloud of dust and debris spun forth toward the wooden platform. Broken vases sailed over cowering bodies. Sirens in the distant became silent. The flower boy and ring bearer huddled next to an overturned motorcycle. Four large hairy arms swept down and snatched them from their hiding place. The children screamed and Sur Amboy charged. Hidden beneath his flowing wedding gown he lifted his ruby encrusted sword. He had always used it as a showpiece but now he knew it would become a weapon. Perhaps a weapon of death. The chaos was over in minutes although it seemed like hours. Sur Amboy hugged the terrified flower boy and ring bearer. As the dust settled the wedding party staggered back to life. Badly bruised and bleeding almost everyone was accounted for. Sur Parrish was missing. The handmade headwrap lay tattered, torn and bloodied on the the very edge of the red carpet walkway. Silence seeped over the park like thick early morning fog. Someone pointed to the great elm tree and the heavy hemp rope. Sur Amboy lifted his sword and sliced the hemp to pieces.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Alice in Stumbleland

continue
Chapter 2

Sur Amboy stood tall and proud on the wooden plywood platform in the middle of the park. His black croaks only inches from the nailed shut trap door. He smiled like the new moon as his stunning groomette walked casually down the aisle. Taking on a life partner was not an easy task. Some of the family members refused to attend and others had closed the heavy metal door on his life and his love. Such as it was he would move forward and follow his heart. His steel grey eyes sparkled with delight as his love walked toward him in a magical mist. A lone musician played Taps, one of his favorite pieces. The sad soulful music brought tears to his eyes. His sister strummed the harp and his Professor of Magic tapped softly on the drums. Out of the corner of his eye Sur Amboy saw a movement. He looked at his biker buddies seated to his right. Their Marleigh cycles parked on the grass three feet from the makeshift alter. He chuckled, probably there for a fast getaway. Halfway down the aisle Sur Parrish stopped as a roar splintered the quiet. The procession halted as the world exploded into chaos.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Alice in Stumbleland

The wedding of Sur Amboy Westerfield and Sur Parrish Eastonville has been dubbed the wedding of the century. The ceremony took place on a dark and dreary day in the middle of the town square in the quaint little town of Salem. Giant elm trees were beautifully decorated with ropes hanging high from heavy limbs. Hemp ropes, nylon ropes and old clothesline ropes were tied with uneven square knots. A raised plywood platform was erected for the event. Silver potts filled with St. John's Wort and Salvia adorned the perimeter. Old wooden church pews were used as guest seating. Sur Amboy the groom was attired in a chocolate brown silk robe hemmed in Belgeem tatted lace. Whalebone buttons stretched from neck to midcalf. Kneelength black biker shorts with padded rear exterior matched perfectly to the black leather work boots. An heirloom outfit passed down from centuries of secrecy. His nosegay was a voluptous peace rose. Sur Parrish the groomette walked down the aisle in a gown from the Martine Stalwart collection. It was an old lace tablecloth from the clearance section from a local thriftless store. Sur Parrish's long grayed locks were braided and wrapped around his head in a turban facade. The groomette carried a faded silk flower arrangement complete with years and years of dust and neglect.
TO BE CONTINUED.....

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

My Book

I have decided to write a book. My book will be about two gay fictional wizards who enter into matrimony. I need to achieve this project as soon as poosible. I understand that 'he who cannot be named' will spend the rest of his term in office obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictious gay characters. This has priority over bombing Iran. So it is important that I begin writing this particular book as it will quite possibly stop the bombing in Iran. "In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction," by 'he who cannot be named. Hello! It's fiction. So my imagination may be censored.

Chapter 1

You are most cordially invited to the wedding of Sur Amboy Westerfield and Sur Parrish Eastonville. The ceremony will take place in the free swinging village of Salem at the Church of Faux Wizardry and Magic at approximately high noon. Valet parking for brooms and carpets will be available. Prior registration for black cat boarding can be obtained through your crystal ball association. Items of interest, toads and eye of newt in lieu of gifts or money are always appreciated. A reception will immediately follow at Pungo Pizza. Please stay away from the water it is believed to be haunted and treacherous.

Monday, October 29, 2007

confusion

I am a little confused and annoyed. I thought that the first amendment authorized us with Free Speech? Right now I am not so sure. I know that I can make no threatening, obscene or deflamtory remarks. According to Wikipedia there are restrictions. Yes, I am aware of them, well some of them. Speaking publicaly outside a free speech zone. I hadn't realized there were zones. So where are the zones? I should be able to use my imagination and write these words down and publish them? I would not be using profanities, threats or divulging company secrets. So in the future I may be restricted form exploring my imagination and writing works of fantasy that do not comply with 'he who must not be named' moral codes. Where have we come from and where are we going?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Loser

I'm a loser. Yes, I lose stuff. Lots of stuff. Stuff that is important and precious to me. I just lose it. I could change the words to the song, 'Just beat it', to 'Just lose it'. Yesterday I lost my pin drive. It was lost quietly without fanfare or notice. I looked on my keychain and it was GONE. Too many places visited to backtrack and look for it. I had visions of the pin drive in the parking lot of the mall, smashed. The little red pieces scattered about the compact car empty space by the entrance to the emporium. I can't remember what I had on my pin drive? This past summer I lost a lens, a lens filter and the lens cover to my camera. All at different times and different places. If someone followed behind me they could become rich from my droppings. What causes me to be so ineffecient or irresponsible? Shall I blame it on a dysfuntional childhood? Shall I blame it on the fast paced world I live in? Perhaps I could blame it on the manufacture for not adhering it to my person properly. I could say I was drinking extremely hot coffee from some fast food restaurant and when I jumped from fear of being burnt by the nasty tasting coffee I lost my pin drive. Yes, I now believe I have a case. Blame it on someone else. But wait I never buy coffee at a fast food establishment. There goes that lawsuit out the window. My pin drive most likely shattered in despair on the parking lot in section B2.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

the demise

I write this out of guilt, shame and remorse. I purchased these two cute little turtles from the local petshop. Where by the way I collect points from all my purchases. I believe when I attain 600 thousand points I will get a free calender or something along that line. So my little guys - one is a Florida Cooter and the other is a Cumberland Slider. Red eared sliders are illegal to sell. I have one of those and his name is Al. He is in the big pond. So I thought Al might be lonely, hence the addition of these little guys. But I feared these were too little to put with Al in the outside pond. So they are in the tank inside till they grow. And I do want them growing. I feed them little itty bitty tadpoles from another outside pond. At first I felt a tad bad (pun) from sending these cute little tadpoles to their end but if left on their own for sure a stork would be having them for a sushi snack. So twice a day I scoop some up and feed them to Cooter and Cumbie. And every day these little cuties get bigger and bigger. And then there was the day I scooped up a very large tadpole and dropped him in the tank. Gulp, gone in a second. Sometimes I watch with a sick fascination as they eat their protein. One day I witnessed a knock down drag out fight over a tasty morsel. At that point I realized they could survive in the wild if need be. So this one morning I scooped up the breakfast tadpoles and dropped them in the tank for the hungry beasts. Oh no! There was a tadpole with both legs almost a frog. I guess he was technically a frog since his tail was gone. Feeeling evil about what I had been doing washed over me. So I knew I had to save this baby frog. I took the net and tried to scoop him out of the tank, save him from this horrible fate. Being the avid klutz I knocked him off the side of the tank and he fell into the water. Instantly Cooter snapped him up and gulped him down. I was mortified. So now I am faced with guilt and my futile actions of ineptness. So I weigh the options. Turtles getting big or tadpoles becoming frogs. It's a tough world out.

Friday, October 26, 2007

death wish

I awoke to water splashing in the pool. Instantly I sat up in bed and tried to focus my bleary eyes on the clock. 1:30 AM. I reached over to touch my lifemate. His side of the bed was empty. He must be swimming. I rolled over and pulled the fleece blanket over my head. The spashing intensifies. Then, the coughing, soft at first and then very loud and persistent. So i'm thinking the old man is drowning. My thoughts - hhmmm, how much life insurance does he have? The coughing becomes disgusting. I roll out of bed and walk toward the closed screen door. I adjust my eyes to the darkness surrounding the pool. He's not in the pool. I still hear the muted coughing. A little ripple catches my unfocused eyes. I see something swimming close to the edge. Darn armadillo again, I surmise. I flip on the outside light switch and venture out by the pool. I look at the swimming critter and realise it's not that obnoxious armadillo. It's the dog. My sweet 17 year old baby paddling for dear life. Maggie is almost deaf, can't see much with the cataracts and is quite senile. She walks like someone on stilts due to the arthritis. So I reach down and pull out the terrified little mutt and hug her to my heart. I rub her down with a towel and go searching for the missing mate. I'm ready to yell and scream at him for letting the old girl outside alone. I find him in the computer room playing freecell. It's now 1:45 AM. Who plays freecell at that time in the morning? So I politely ask him why he let her out and he responds with, "I didn't." "She was asleep in the doorway when I got up and I had to step over her." So I have a senile dog trying to end her life in the early morning hours by drowning herself in the pool and a spouse that has a freecell addiction.