Dragging the line

I feel the need to vent! I was unjustly accused by 'him that shall not be named but he knows who he is' for misplacing or just out and out loosing one pair of L.L. Bean jeans. Yes, during our wonderful summer road trip I did do the laundry. Halfway through the adventure we ran out of clean clothes. There never was the option to buy new clothes and toss the dirty ones in the trunk due to the fact that we were traveling in the baby car. Gas prices!

So the only solution was to wash the stinky smelly clothes. Upon returning home from our marvelous adventures he who will still not be named said - "Where are my L.L. Bean pants?"

Well it's not like I wear them or packed your suitcase. There was the implication that 'I' was the one that caused their disappearance. So, made a few calls trying to track down the L.L. Bean pants and came up with nothing-nado-nuttin. Still the implications were directed at me for my loss of clothing that of course did not belong to me and really was not my responsibility to be in charge of said pants.

So this morning as we are getting ready to depart for yet another wild and wacky Florida adventure - he who still remains nameless says," Oh look I found my pants in my underwear drawer."

Yes, I do the laundry at home and ALL clean items are placed in a laundry basket and placed on 'he who will not be named' his side of the bed. So - remove that look from your face - step up and accept the blame and place it where it should truly go.

And we had an awesome tubing adventure down the Rainbow River in water temperatures of 72 degrees and air temperatures of about 95. A good choice for today's activities.

Dragging the line by Tommy James and the Shondells.

Perponderance of the Evidence

I'm sitting in front of my computer tapping away at the keyboard once again. My window is open and I feel the cool morning breeze. The sun is still asleep so I only see darkness outside my window. The birds are chirping like that clock my former boss owned, quite annoying coming from a clock but peaceful coming from the real thing.

My neighbors American flag is lit up looking like a red white and blue Christmas tree and the spotlight shines right up the flagpole. It's another peaceful moment to begin the day with. Every minute the sky gets a little lighter as somewhere out there the sun wants to roll out of slumber and splash us awake with shards of gold.

Today is the last day of the work week as Friday is a day off. Oh, the wonder and the glory of a day off. The day off is a leftover allotted hurricane day that was never used - thank goodness. Hurricane season is just around the bend and that is distressing, but not quite as distressing as all the media hype about the swine flu. Enough already - I understand. Wash my hands, use sanitizer, don't travel and don't come in close contact with strangers.

My plans for the Orlando Disney trip is starting to cause me worry. Should I go? Should I stay home and wash my hands non-stop? I could sit here by my window tapping away at my keyboard and have some crazy Florida driver round the bend a little too fast and plow right into my home and run me over. So what are my odds at catching the swine flu compared to getting run over by crazy Florida drivers? Whoa - I had better get away from my window.

The sun still slumbers. Where is my morning greeting?

Spring Fever

I'm sitting here in front of my computer tapping away at the keyboard with a cool breeze blowing in my open window and I raise my eyes to look up and out the window toward the east and I see the orange and blue sky painted like a genuine masterpiece right before my eyes and realize it is going to be a fantabulous day here in Florida and at work and this evening when I go for my nightly dog walk and feel the gulf breeze against my face and contemplate all I have to be thankful for.

1. a computer

2. a window with a view

3. a window that opens

4. a window with a screen

5. coffee with cream

6. a job

7. a great family

8. a pool almost fixed

9. a wonderful spouse

10. a spouse that cooks

These boots were made for walking

Who in their right state of mind goes hiking in the Withlacoochee State Forest wearing flip flops? Yep, that'd be me. Sometimes my mind is on another planet and doesn't compute what's right and what's so totally bizarre. I've been camping and hiking many times in the woods and mountains and I know all about the critters that slink along the forest floor.

I just think my head must have been on sideways when off I went trekking into the wilds of Florida dressed in my favorite flip-flops. Not only was it not safe but my feet are encased in bog dirt. Trying to remove the grime with the belt sander is not an easy task.

The rain gods must be crazy

In the past few months it has rained once. Once!! My brown grass has shriveled up and run off with the last wind storm. My flowers are just a faded memory. The water police make daily rounds to insure no one is watering their now brown dead lawns.
My umbrella and rain gear have been packed away and I cannot remember where? I have asked the rain god for nourishment in the past but not this weekend.
Today as I searched the Florida skies for white puffy clouds all I saw was darkness.
We have been house bound with illness, company and house work for what seems like forever. Last weekend we planned a camping trip. Oh yeah!!!!! Let the rains begin.
Something to expect just like when the sun rises in the East - when we go camping it rains.

Land O Lakes Recycling

This morning I was traveling down the road to work behind a large dump truck. On the back of the truck in bold letters it said, LAND O LAKES RECYCLING. I never like being behind a truck. I slowed my vehicle hoping to place some distance between me and the Goliath truck. Two cars moved in front of me.
All of a sudden a huge projectile flies out of the back of the uncovered dump truck. I swerved to miss the flying debris as did the two cars in front of me. I realized it was only cardboard but it still could have caused an accident. What about motorcycles?
As I continued my journey to work more debris flew out of the back of the dump truck. This scenario lasted the entire time I was behind the truck. This must be a new way to recycle.
I feel that any vehicle that is carrying a load that could possibly fly out and cause havoc or damage the driver needs to be responsible.
Isn't that considered a form of littering? If not it should be.

Single mom with 4 kids

In Florida and around our great country there is desperation and dysfunction. The economy has tanked and left many of us in gloom, doom and despair. But even before that episode colored our lives Florida was overflowing with homeless and the downtrodden. Men stand on street corners with their cardboard signs and unshaven faces. Begging - soliciting for whatever including a stiff drink. Some even write on their signs - 'I need a drink, why lie'.
I have driven by and looked away pocketing the image in the deep recesses of my life. Thinking bad thoughts of them and focusing on how good my life is. I mean - get a job - stop drinking and doing drugs - my thoughts and sometimes my words slip out. Bums - lowlife - scums. Stop tainting my corner with your issues and problems that most likely you caused yourself. Go away. My selfish thoughts.
Yesterday as I was traveling down a very busy Florida highway I spotted a sign holder. As I drew closer I realized the sign holder was female. And her sign was printed in perfect handwriting. 'Single mom with four kids', was all I could read as I passed her by. The arrow pierced my soul and I thought something must be done and I drove away. The image is burned inside my heart like a tattoo proudly displayed on a muscular forearm.
Bum, lowlife and scum have faded from my jagged perception. We need help, we the people of this great country need a bailout. Somewhere her four little children suffer along with so many others. The lighbulb has gone off and I now know what one of my New Year's resolution will be.

Vernon, Florida

I just watched a documentary by Errol Morris called Vernon, Florida. It was produced in 1981. Many of the townspeople were appalled when the film premiered. They stated it viewed their town in a negative light.

The documentary included several old men, a police officer and a turkey hunter. The turkey hunter must have had the turkeys giblets and other parts in his mouth because to understand what he was trying to say was difficult and boring. Apparently he lives and breathes turkey killing. He saves their feet and beard and has them hanging on a plaque. I suppose this is better than a deer head above the fireplace.

The other old men or perhaps I should refer to them as 'seniors' just rambled on about stuff, like a muddy river and gofer tortoises. Once again extremely hard to decipher their words and make sense out of what they were talking about. Eccentric men with a passion for life through their eyes.

Vernon is in the Florida panhandle, west of the state capital Tallahassee. The Florida panhandle is interesting and desolate country. After watching the film I would love to visit Vernon and see what the town has to offer today. On the front cover of the DVD it states - An Unforgettable Film, and it is. I'm sure it did not win any awards or Oscars. It's a little quirky, bizarre and at times boring. I'm glad I watched this documentary as it gives me a different perspective on Florida. This would be what some refer to as the REAL Florida.

St. Michaels Artists

I love art and nature. There is an abundance of art all around us. Beauty surrounds us, comforts us and inspires us. Then we have the artist who take their inspirations and talents and shower the world with their art forms.

I am the proud owner of a fantastic piece of art that hangs in my home. This lovely piece of work has traveled with me through three states and many years. In New York it hung elegantly above the fireplace. In North Carolina it claimed a prominent place on the living room wall. In Florida it adorns the wall in the family room. It is such a marvelous painting that I painted my walls to match the landscape in the painting.

This talented artist who now resides on the Eastern shore of Maryland has had her work displayed on the streets of St. Michaels. These fabulous artistic banners will be auctioned off in a few weeks. I am so pleased that I own one of her masterpieces.

Mary Ellen Mabe - you are the best. Check out her banners that graced the streets of the Eastern shore giving everyone a glimpse of nature as seen through the eyes of an artist.

http://www.eastonmainstreet.com/event_banner_2008.html

Baywalk, St. Petersburg, Florida

All good or bad things come to an end. Baywalk located in downtown St. Petersburg (my old stomping grounds) has felt the economic slump crump. Like blue cheese sprinkled on a garden salad. It disappears into the dark abyss of the digestive system. Soon to be ejected by natural functions into the sewer of life, deep within the bowels of the earth.

Business, jobs, careers and hopes are traveling the curved path of destiny and falling flat as a domino.

"BAMM," a quote from Emeril.

I feel like I'm walking across a rope bridge (a very old and worn one) in an unknown jungle of terror. One lean to the left and the sound of rope snapping and boards cracking assault my ears. I will be falling down the Alice In Wonderland tunnel. I'll meet furry friends that scurry around babbling, 'I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date'. A date with my mortgage holder as they foreclose on my home. I'll hop along to my destination as cars are no longer available due to the crash and burn philosophy of the car manufacturers. Imaginary tea will be served as our precious water has dwindled and there is not enough to go around.

At this point in time fantasy seems brighter than facing the real world and the uphill battle to survive the economy flowing over the jutted rocks of the Niagara River. If we examine the end result of the rushing water spilling down over the falls - we see energy and resources. After the dominoes have all fallen down we can just get busy and stack them up again.

Every day more distressing news flashes before us and bogs us down like quicksand. If we are patient and do not panic we can crawl out of that quicksand pit of pity. Will Baywalk survive? Who knows? Will others crumble as the great divide opens wider? Most likely.

Lyrics from Queen.

Another one bites the dust

Another one bites the dust

And another one gone,

and another one gone

Another one bites the dust

Hey, I'm gonna get you too

Another one bites the dust

After the dust has settled we will brush away the leaves that are not really a pack of cards with an evil Queen of hearts, who screams, "Off with their heads." Alice is left with her thoughts, imagination and dreams. We can have what Alice had. We need hope, persistence and a vision.

Anclote Key

Take me away, to a better place, a secret place, a hiding place. Anclote Key perched in the Gulf of Mexico, surrounded by blue water and a sense of serenity unplugged. A place for balance, quiet and a taste of the real Florida. Anclote Key is one of my favorite Florida hangouts.

Smile Pretty

Yesterday, I went for yet another crown. Not the kind you slip on your head. This is a lovely porcelain fixture that sits on a metal stump inside my mouth. Why they drill that tooth down to nothing is beyond me? They refuse to extract a tooth - it must be saved they preach. Right now I have more money invested in my mouth than my house in Florida.
I wonder if I should insure my mouth like I do my car? It has more value than my 4 year old car. Housing prices have dropped below the high water mark, car values plummet with excess mileage and the cost of groceries is over the hedge. But dental work continues to rise while our health insurance continues to pay less and the premiums go up.
False teeth are so much cheaper than root canals and crowns. Perhaps I could use my pricey revamped teeth as collateral when I purchase a new vehicle? Maybe I should have been a dentist.
A dental experience for me is always traumatic and expensive. I would say much like negotiating the purchase of a new car with aggressive sales people. I'm not sure the word 'people' is appropriate but to use profanity would be wrong.
Today we make a decision on our future. I'm hoping the new administration finds a cure for the cost of health insurance, the housing market, unemployment and a gagillion other problems facing our country. And there should be a law - punishable - by imprisonment for any dentist that asks you a question while your mouth is wide open with a drill inside and a clamp on your tongue and expect an audible answer.

181 miles to South of the Border

My mind bounces like those Mexican jumping beans you buy at South of the Border. South of the Border (on the South Carolina/North Carolina demarcation line) is hailed as the TACKIEST gift shop in the United States. I beg to differ on that biased opinion.
One can watch and read the hilariously el-stupid signs for miles. This task help tremendously with boredumb. And the animation signs are just the cutest things. And who can resist Pedro?
Well, at least their restrooms are clean and their pizzas are hot. And the trinkets and fart cushions are to ROFLMAO.
What can I say? The drive from Florida to New York is gruesome. I really have loved South of the Border since I was a little tyke. My parents would never stop so I indulge myself and my lost childhood dreams. I stop to say - HEY- to Pedro any chance I get.
Let your inner child speak for herself.

Swim Naked

Florida living - for me - requires an in ground pool covered by a pool cage. A pool boy would be wonderful but, that ain't going to happen any time soon. However - there are some disadvantages to pool ownership. Not having a pool boy is not one of them.
The massive amounts of chemicals we dump in the pool has its consequences. We have friends who recently installed a salt system to their backyard oasis. The gap between us and the friends would be they have money to toss to the winds. So we survive with the chlorine laden water.
Chlorine has a devastating effect on swim attire, especially black attire. I do believe I could lie in the sun clad in my black bikini and get a tan right through the material. I know you can buy tan through swim wear at a hefty price. I bypassed that strategy by wearing my full length - skirt included swim wear in the pool for an entire year. The ravages of time have turned my suit into a skimpy see through stretched out barely acceptable rag.
It doesn't matter the quality or price of the swimsuit, the downfall and degradation of the weave is always there. So, trying to be green and save money (for that salt system) I have banned the wearing of swim wear in my backyard pool. I'm sure the neighbors get a good laugh. Actually we put up privacy screens around the lanai. One could be arrested for swimming ala naturelle in public. And the old guy next door may collapse from a coronary after taking in the view.
So irrational thoughts have swirled around inside my head, much like the automatic pool cleaner,( that does a sucky job but cost a small fortune) about starting a begging website for my needs. I heard there are many sites like that out there. One person had a blog for 'help me buy a boob job'. Whatever! I'm rather afraid that others will not fully understand my need for the salt system and not support my endeavor.
I have decided to toss in the towel and become a full time naked swimmer. Since I will not have to purchase that yearly $40.00 swimsuit I can pocket the money in a salt system account. Now - do the math - System - $4,000. - equals $40.00 a year times how many years? I'm thinking I will get there faster with a begging website.
Swim naked and save Lycra.

Ethel - put your clothes on

There's a large population of nudists in Florida. I'm sure there are nudists other places but I only know Florida. And when you live in Florida the heat can certainly cause you to rip off your clothes and go around buck necked.
I used to frequent a semi, underground, illegal nude beach (I'm not a nudist) in North Carolina. I went there for the peace and quiet. Honest. My swimsuit stayed on. There are some people who should not subject their exposed bodies to the world. And it seems like many nudists fall into that category. You don't usually see the model from Sports Illustrated strutting around the beach with uncovered body parts. It's usually grandpa and his even older honey. Wrinkled, flabby - lets not go there.
The nudists in Florida want to open a nude nursing home. So, I'm wondering about the nurses and staff? Do they prance around totally nude? Where are the pockets for the stethoscope and the prescription pad. My doctor always has his pockets stuffed with stuff. And the old folks - will they wear their depends? You know that saying - 'Over 50 - never trust a fart'.
Will they be barefooted also? Slipping and sliding down the pee lined hallway. Whatever floats your boat. Mine would sink along with me in it or I'd drop my paddle and not be able to retrieve it.
It's a scary thought going to see Gramma in the nursing home in that state of dress or undress. Some people you just shouldn't see buck necked.

The Other White Meat

There is a first time for everything. First love, first kiss, first fantasy, first puff of a cigarette, first drink underage and first taste of an exotic food. For me exotic is never RAW or moving - it's usually identifiable.

So my friend and I are sitting at this seaside bar - being left alone by our spouses who are off somewhere having the time of their lives. Drowning our sorrows seemed like the right thing to do. Not drowning in the gulf but over sweet girlie drinks in a loud tropical bar on the beach.

Walk in wet and sandy, shirtless and barefoot and not cruel eye will turn your way. It's beach time in paradise. Music and chatter share the air space with mosquito's and tacky Christmas lights blowing in the breeze by the bay. It wasn't a bay I just like the sound of that phrase.

So over Margaritas and Bahama Mommas I do the deed. My first time. First times should be memorable and this one was. Sitting on a hard uncomfortable bench - having a good time with a friend - enjoying the sounds the surf and the total ambiance of the bar by the bay - I ate a 'gator bite'. Tasted like chicken not at all like those leather spiffy gator shoes I have seen people strut around in. I dipped him in a little honey mustard sauce and he went down like a punched drunk. I washed him down a little further with a heavy gulp of my frozen raspberry Margarita.

Cedar Key, Florida

Cedar Key is a quaint town off the beaten path, lost in time and perspective. Cedar Key is perched precariously on the edge of the Gulf of Mexico swaddled in salt marshes and mud flats. A time capsule left to fend for its future and past. The town is similar to the song, ‘A little bit country, and A little bit rock and roll.’ Boiling over with enthusiasm and feet stuck in the mud mixture of natives, renters and tourists.
Cedar Key is a working town whose livelihood depends on Mother Nature: not always a helpful participant. For many workers a tidy home and well kept yard is not an asset but a hindrance. The tourist’s seek clean lines, green grass and many amenities. A few of these can be found. Fisherman swarm in as if they were fish during spawning season. Mullet jump out of the water for reasons not clearly defined.
Cedar Key a place smothered by neglect and decay. Trash lines the ditches, the waterways and the odorous salt marshes. Dilapidated buildings cry silently with despair being their only salvation. Restaurants with bland food and overpriced menus litter the harbor like the feral cats.
Cedar Key boasts an unfriendly waitress who talks trash to her friends while ignoring the paying customers with her annoying 'youall' dialect. We want your money but in reality we don’t really give a flip about you. The sign outside the cafe boast ‘this is where the local eat.’ Then, try another cafe and a waitress sports a bubbly inviting attitude. Beckons you to return again and enjoy your stay.
A few campgrounds survive on the edge of destruction and denial barely making a statement. Broken roads filled with potholes, hollow dreams littered with debris, buildings in disrepair and a cottage on stilts in the final phase of death.
Cedar Key is a place overflowing with a salty ambiance and an air of yesteryear: where survival meets the economic decline and modern day mechanics. Sit on the lopsided dock and listen to the sounds of nature and man. Air boats flash by making a noisy statement next to the fishing boats that drift lazily with the tide. The orange evening sun explodes across the sky painting a mural of distinction. Birds cry in misery or perhaps ecstasy. The tides crash with a single purpose against the weary shoreline. Cedar Key ages with a less than graceful edge. In Cedar Key one can sit and inhale the salty air and listen to the music of nature and man and enjoy the fading rhapsody. Cedar Key is a special place where dignity and perseverance flow with the tides.

Caladesi Island, Florida

Step back in time to a peaceful place, where beauty and solitude are in an abundance. The beach clean, pristine and missing crowds. A place years ago where a family struggled against the harsh elements to carve out a living and where a young lady rowed a boat across the pass everyday to attend school. A place for pirates and wild life to co exist together. One of the best beaches I have even walked upon. A beach so close to urban sprawl but so close to nature.

It's an assessment that Stephen P. Leatherman would agree with. Leatherman, a Florida International University professor dubbed "Dr. Beach," picked Caladesi Island as the best beach in the 2008 ranking for his annual list.

Caladesi Island State Park: http://www.floridastateparks.org/CaladesiIsland

http://www.drbeach.org

Walking with the Enemy

Sand spurs and bigfoot - what do they have in common? Well, these sand spurs are HUGE and they HURT. Big time. Bigfoot is HUGE and very elusive. Sand spurs in Florida don't hide - they lurk for any passerby. They especially grow where they know we all go barefoot.

There really is no relationship with sand spurs and bigfoot - except for the fact they are both HUGE.

Honeymoon Island

Honeymoon Island State Park is perched on the edge of the Gulf of Mexico. It has a beautiful stretch of beach, a dog beach, trails, picnic areas and marshes. You can catch a ferry from the park to Caldesi Island.

This is one of my favorite Florida Parks.