It's not an easy straight shot to get my morning cup of coffee. It's more like a meandering maze of defiance to obtain the caffeine connection. As soon as my feet hit the hardwood floors the little dog needs to pee. She's getting old and has a difficult time making it throught the night. If she doesn't get out before first light she targets the nearest rug. We don't have many rugs left in the house.
In the dark I walk - tripping on shoes and discarded garmets - over to the bedroom door and walk out into the brisk cold morning. She doesn't budge. She refuses to go out the back door in the backyard, where neighbors can't see me standing in my pink short nightie. She walks slowly toward the front door. I have to grab my robe off the hook - all this still in the dark. And we exit the front door so she can pee in the front yard. WHY? She heads directly under the street light so I can do the runway model walk for the neighbors. But then how many neighbors are up at 5 AM?
We head back inside - slowly. I remove the robe and try to hang it on the hook - still in the dark. I enter the kitchen and old pusss is standing guard on the counter by her empty food bowl. She lets out a howl and gently slaps my bare arm. Remember I left the robe on the hook. She wants to be fed NOW! In the dark I search the cupboards for her cat food and give her the standard 1/4 of a cup of lowfat cat food. She's as fat as a pig and we have put her on a diet. She's not happy.
I head for the coffee pot feeling the rush. I climb over the gate that seperates the big dog from the little dog and big boy barks for his morning treat. I step back over the kitchen gate and search the cupboards for his bag of bones. Still in total darkness. The little mutt paces frantically around my feet. That's the signal she has to do her number two. I head back to the bedroom grab the robe off the hook - still in the dark. Out the front door once again because she has 'the spot' where she will only do the discharge. She takes her time sniffing out the perfect location. The deed gets done.
We trot slowly back inside and I hang up my robe on the hook - still in the dark. I go back to the kitchen climb over the gate that keeps the two dogs apart and reach my hand out to press the ON button. It makes a nice soft little click sound and I sigh in relief.
I've forgotten to take my blood pressure pill- hhmmm - why do I have high blood pressure? A walk back to the bedroom encased in darkness to find the pill bottle. I touch the menagerie of bottles and containers on my dresser - searching for the pill bottle. I find the one - pop off the cap and drop the entire contents on the floor. I drop to my hands and knees and search for the lost capsules before the dog finds any. I find three and hope there are no more rolling about. I pop a pill and reach for my water bottle always sitting on my nighstand. Empty.
I hurry into the bathroom - still in the dark and search blindly for a cup. No such luck. I resort to desperate measures and stick my head under the faucet. I amaze myself with all this activity and not an ounce of caffeine running through my system. I trip over my robe that never made it to the wall hook.
The sun begins to make her appearance - I wish she would come earlier or the animals would wait till later. I climb back over that darn gate and walk with the full pot of java back to the kitchen in the early morning light. I pour myself a cup of the sweet smelling brew and smile. I open the refrigerator door and reach inside for the creamer. NADA - NONE. Life is cruel.