Saturday, May 8, 2010

Lemons make you pucker

That old saying pops into my head - 'If life gives you lemons make lemonade.' What if ? you're tired of making lemonade all the time! You've made enough lemonade from all the lemons you get to fill Lake Erie. You have even moved on to making margaritas and substituting the lemons with limes. And still the lemons they come.

It's like a giant pity party. Woe is me. Why me? Whine a little with the wine. When do you just say 'NO'? And then move on to the next absurd saying.

Actually you make bold statements like - 'Life isn't fair.' The response to that is - 'Who said life is fair?' The sad reality is - life isn't fair. A fair would have cotton candy, bright lights, wonderful music, fortune tellers, gamers, and thrilling rides on a roller coaster or the ferris wheel. Cotton candy will rot your teeth. Bright lights will bring on a migraine. Music will make you even more deaf than what you already are. A gnarly old fotune teller will spill out your disasterous impending doom. the gamers will lure you in and your new addiction will be gambling. The ferris wheel ride will break down as you are swinging slightly from the very top. And the wild roller coaster ride will make you puke up all that cotton candy so perhaps maybe it won't rot your teeth after all. Life isn't fair - indeed.

The pity party goes global. Whining escalates 10 more decibels. Woe is me continues. Why me, why me? NOOOO! And then move on to the next bizarre saying.

'Life sucks then you die.' Now that's a real uplifting saying. Life does suck like a carp lurking around at the bottom of a river sucking up all the scum of the earth or actually all the scum at the bottom of the river. I believe carp are called bottom feeders a good name for slurping up all that debris from the floor of the river. If it weren't for the carp where would all that scum go to? Bottom dwellers must live that saying of - life sucks. They suck up all the bad stuff because they know nothing else and it's a survival skill they have learned. If I was a carp I would regurgitate all the scum at the bottom of the river and watch it rise to the top and slowly drift away into oblivion.

Soon the pity party would need an event planner. Whining would be as loud as a jet engine taking off. Woe is me would be plastered on Twitter a thousand times a day. Why me? would be blasted from the mountain tops from a megaphone and flow over the land and down to mix with the scum that collects at the bottom of the rivers. Just start a 'NO' campaign.

Old sayings pertaining to the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness will live on and spice up our lives that at times seem frustrating and bleak. So today I start out my day with three things that make me happy.

1. It's Saturday.
2. I can smell the coffee.
3. The pity party has been postponed.

Some days I just have the urge to ramble about nothing.

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