Friday, May 14, 2010

Hormonal Replacement

I keep seeing these ads on T.V. about hormonal replacement. It sounds like a ticket into the Garden Of Eden. I'm ready to hop on that train to hitch a ride to the promised land. It would be awesome to live out my remaining years in the city of Utopia. With my luck it would end up being the lost city of Atlantis.

So this hormonal replacement therapy offers all the magic of a sorcerer or a shaman. It's like a cure all for aging. I wonder why they don't drive around in covered wagons with the medicine man (now it would be medicine person) and pass out the elixer for a days wages? They could call it 'Time in a bottle'.

A younger healthier body - I could go with that. Just tell me where to sign up for the Summer Olympics. I wonder if the Olympics has a category for the fastest person to do the laundry?

A brighter - stronger mind - Nobel Peace Prize here I come. I will be able to do my tax return in my head and ESP the results to the government. The book I haven't written will be on the best seller list for 10 weeks. I will converse with the gods phonics.

Your sagging fading memory will take on all the characteristics of an elephant. Who came up with that memory like an elephant? I wonder if they meant a body like an elephant? But I will remember where I left my glasses and did I take my pills this morning will never be necessary again. I will remember all the history dates that will be good knowledge for cocktail chatter.

It's just so hard to believe that hormonal replacement can change my life. One thing the ad leaves out is the cost. I wonder how much they charge to be smarter, stronger and have the memory like an elephant?

On thinking the matter over I will deal with the memory loss. I will wear my glasses on that stupid looking chain around my neck. I'll pass on getting into MENSA. I'll just watch the history channel for important facts and dates. And I'll watch the Olympics on the television if I can find the darn remote and figure out how to program the T.V. And my checking account will not be overdrawn. I will reside in the same old dull town and dream of better places.

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