Monday, October 4, 2010

Big Butter Bust

Sometimes I feel like a klutz - probably because I am. I can spill a glass of red whine on a white tablecloth faster than a gecko can blink. I'm not sure gecko's blink but that's my analogy. I like analogies - they make sense to me. A bull in a china shop just pictures in my mind me in a place that sells expensive antiques and I can't walk straight.

On Saturday on our cross country jaunt - really cross state I like the sound of cross country - it sounds like a real adventure. And I do love adventures. If only I could find a job that was all adventure and get paid for it. My life is an adventure it just doesn't pay a whole lot of money. Then what is money? The green stuff to help with survival and take many-many adventures. Since I haven't won the lottery or have an abundance of that green stuff and at the moment I am not even working so the green stuff is pretty much non-existence I have to weave adventures in my mind. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. So I am thankful for the adventure to Flagler Beach this past weekend.

I was amazed that I walked around the gallery GOLA (gallery of local artist) and did not drop, break or spill anything. I did knock over the stuffed alligator but I put him back on the shelf real quick.

After a quick tour of the GOLA Gallery ( and a walk through the farmers market we headed off to eat some lunch. The Blue was highly recommended so we took the bait. It was a lovely old place and we chose to sit out on the porch with a front row seat of the Atlantic Ocean. The place had ambiance and was classy but not classy. How would I use an analogy to describe that? Like wearing flip flops to the Oscars and not feeling out of place.

I ordered their 'best salad' described as greens topped with grilled scallops, caramelized pecans and goat cheese. I love goat cheese. When my luscious lunch was served I tried to be dignified with manners and placed the white linen napkin on my lap and then I stared at the forks. Which one is the salad fork? I chose fork number two because they both looked the same. The salad was to die for (analogy) and I only dropped several pieces of greens down the front of my shirt.

At times my mind wanders and I looked with lust after the triangle shaped yellowy cheese plopped right next to my warm buttery bun. AAAHHH the goat cheese. I slice off a big chunk and using my other fork place the soft mass inside my salivating mouth and begin to chew. It was soft and tasted strange for a piece of cheese. It was tooooo soft. OMG! It's not cheese - it's butter. I have a mouthful of butter. OMG!

What to do in this classy and at the same time not classy establishment. The restroom is at the back of the porch and I have on this clunky boot on my post surgery foot and can't move hardly fast at all. And then there are the two gentlemen sitting right next to us in their fancy clothes and not wanting to feel like a country bumpkin. Gramma in her Sunday best sitting to the left with her prim and proper family having some kind of - I haven't seen you all in ages party. And me sitting in the middle of it all with a hunk of butter in my mouth.

Could I discreetly hang over the side of the banister and spit out the lump of lard? I could dump the goo in my napkin but then what would catch the drops of raspberry vinaigrette dressing? I can't do a mouth swipe like what they teach you in CPR and remove the tainted goop. OMG! I swallow the sweet creamy butter and drink an entire glass of cold water - not a good choice. The ice cold water congeals the buttery mass and clogs in my throat. I start to gag. My mind wanders to the movie - Soylent Green. I'm thinking it's a darn good thing I'm no longer a Vegan.

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