Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Don't Get Your Panties In A Knot

Many times I have heard that saying, "Don't get your panties in a knot." Yesterday, I understood the full meaning of that little phrase. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

My work day is busy and I am on a specific schedule - I need to be certain places at certain times. So my mode is - hurry-hurry-hurry. Occasionally I need to stop and use the facilities and I try to do so in a timely manner.

WARNING: this gets graphic, please use caution when reading!

I go into the little box of an ugly room and yank down my pantyhose and undies in one fast sweep. Trying to multitask and git er done. You would think this would be an easy task. Well, pulling them down was easy. The means to an end.

Then, it was time to pull them up. I tug slightly on my undies. Not even a slight budge. I pull again this time a little harder. No movement - whatsoever. I survey the situation. My undies are entwined inside my pantyhose.What? How in the hill did that feat happen?

I grab the pantyhose being ever so careful cuz they are brand new and I would like to get two wears out of them. After all - they did cost a buck of my hard earned money. That's another subject. No movement. Dang!

I try desperately to untangle the mess as the clock is ticking away and I don't want to be late for a very important date. Words of wisdom from the white rabbit. I stand up and survey my dilemma. I pull a little harder still not wanting to harm my dollar pantyhose. Nothing. I go into panic mode.

What to do? I yell. Someone waiting patiently outside the door whispers, "Is everything okay in there"? OMG!!! People can hear me. My panic mode rises as I tug in dire desperation at my entangled undergarments. What to do ??

I could rip those cheap pantyhose to shreds. After all they were only a dollar. No can do. I pull harder and fall onto the disgusting looking tile and bang my head against the commode. OMG! I could be stuck in here with a concussion - someone would call 911 and I would be found splayed on the floor with my panties and cheap pantyhose in a knot. That would go down in the gossip history.

I pull as hard as I can stretching those dollar pantyhose to the max and finally-finally they are free from my knotted panties. Not even a slight run in the pantyhose. Hooray. I pull up my undergarments, dust off my embarrassment, smooth down my rumpled dress and exit the bathroom stall. With my head held high and my dignity still intact I walk by the amused onlookers.

My response to them all - "Don't get your panties in a knot."
Someone whispers to me, "Your skirt is stuck inside your pantyhose and your backside is showing."
So much for my dignity.

No comments: