Friday, January 14, 2011
Taking a one-legged bath is not an easy task but then neither is tweezing nose hair. It's all relevant. Our life on this planet is at times turned sideways and upside down. I never tweeze nose hair. Perhaps someday I may but not in the prime of my life. Hubby has mutant eyebrow hair that needs mowing every once in awhile - not sure about his nose hair and don't really care. I have my own troubles. Like getting in and out of the bathtub.
You may think this is an easy task but let me assure you it isn't. First we don't have that silver bar attached to the side of the tub like some hotel rooms and the toilet is ever so close to the side of the tub leaving little space to maneuver. A one leg in the tub maneuver. Good thing it's the left leg because it's a right sided tub.
Getting in is somewhat easy after I get off the 10 pound boot I have to wear on my healing foot. Then, I need to make sure it is within easy access when I get out of the tub. So, I plop the boot right in front of the commode for easy retrieval upon exiting. But never-never-ever get the dang boot wet. That is a complete no-no. Gotta keep those stitches dry.
So I slip in sideways to the tub with the left leg hanging over the side and try to wash off all the germs I have acquired in a day. I can no longer use a key pad at an ATM due to all the fecal matter they have living there. Another story on that one. I try not to be klutzy and splash water on my left foot. Moving around in the tub with the leg dangling over the edge takes acrobatic skills. Which of I have few or less.
Now - get out of the tub without any assistance and no silver bar for help. We do have a ceramic soap holder which is useless for holding soap but can be used for trying to exit the tub in a fashionable manner. Wait - this is not the runway or a red carpet. Fashion does not exist in the bathroom when I am exiting the tub. Just NO splashing water.
Once perched on the side of the tub that is now dripping wet and slippery I hold on to that useless ceramic soap holder for dear life. Please have good workmanship and DO NOT break off into my slippery hand. Let go of the ceramic soap holder and lean forward and grab on the toilet seat cover and swing the body on the pot. Make sure the lid is up because the toilet seat cover is vinyl and sleek. It does match the shower curtain.
So here I sit on the commode and search for my boot that has somehow made its way just out of my reach. Okay I can crawl over and pick it up on the cold ceramic tile floor with my left foot held high in the air. Maybe I can yell for help to hubby. That seems like a better option. I feel so helpless sitting here on the commode wrapped in a my plush green towel that goes so well with my bathroom decor - but that has no correlation to my current predicament.
So I take a few moments to meditate and ponder the bathroom sanctuary and I am happy I have the feeling of living under the sea with bright colored fishes. Maybe next time I could do a sink wash up.
I can't wait for my foot to heal and sandal weather. WAIT - this is Florida it's always sandal weather.......