Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Business Plan

The long weekend is over and it's back to saneness. Wait - is sane a part of my world? Probably not. I shall miss 'shoeless turkey man' and his constant tobaccie spittin and that dang awful sound of his turkey calls. But a person has got to make a livin as he says. And if that is selling little wooden boxes that make noise to raise the hair on the back of your neck - so be it.

I am rethinking my strategy involving traveling the craft show circuit. The only people that really make the money is the food vendors. Perhaps next time I can serve up some of my delicious road kill recipes or write a road kill recipe book. I bet 'turkey Man' could help me. He says roasted possum is his favorite food. Maybe he will like this.
I can cook it in my - out house.

Oyster Omelet

What it means to cook well is to find fresh, local and raw ingredients. Concoct an outstanding family recipe and go down in the ancestry history books.
Gather 1 dozen fresh oysters from the Gulf of Mexico. No need to marinate in oil as they come already soaked in crude oil. Soak the fresh oysters in 2 gallons of sea water for 36 hours in the harvest gold garage refrigerator. While the oysters are soaking collect 6 fresh free roaming eggs from Rhode Island Reds. The best place to obtain free range chicken eggs is Key West. Keep them cool in the beer cooler on the long drive back home. Please do not drink and drive. Drink responsible.
Place the eggs in the lower compartment of your indoor freezer so they do not freeze. Cover with newspapers. Weight down the newspaper with assorted vegetables. No one will look in the vegetable bin.
Collect dollar weed from your lawn or your neighbors. Do not collect dollar weed from the neighbor with lush green lawn and the pesticide sign stuck in the grass by the mailbox. Unadulterated dollar weed is the best. Chop the dollar weeds into 2 inch sections and boil in two bottles of any lite beer. Alcohol cannot be purchased on Sunday mornings so you may need to adjust your shopping excursion. Sprinkle with iodized salt, about 2 cups. Boil for 2 minutes. Set aside for 3 hours.
Cut the long prickly leaf off of one agave bush. If you don’t own one check your local mall parking lot or the Big Lots store. Wash the sharp prickly leaf very carefully. Please be drinking responsibly. Gloves may be need so fingers and other body parts do not become impaled on the 6 inch long thorny spikes. Clip off the spikes using the lawn clippers or a blunt pair of household scissors. Place the cut spikes in a bowl of vinegar and set 20 feet away from the house and all open windows. Make sure the bowl is not accessible to family pets or small children. This takes about 16 hours.
Remove the oysters from the harvest gold garage refrigerator and place on ice. The beer cooler filled with ice will do fine. Please drink responsibly. Leave in cooler for two hours or until all the beer has been digested. Place the oysters in a colander and rinse with hot water. Sprinkle 2 cups of salt on the oysters and set aside. Make sure the cat is outside.
Remove the eggs from the vegetable bin from the house refrigerator, save the vegetables and newspapers. Wrap the vegetables in the moist newspaper and place in a microwave on defrost for 10 minutes. If the paper ignites stop the process.
Crack the eggs one at a time into a large bowl and beat the eggs till the white slime has coagulated with the yellow. Rinse the oysters and add to the egg mixture. Place entire contents into a greased (lard) pan; sprinkle the top with chopped dollar weed. Bake 200 degrees for 10 hours. Garnish with the sharp pointed spikes, pointy side down. Serve warm.

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