Friday, December 19, 2008

Troll Toes

I own a German Shepard or to be honest - he owns me, us, the house, the furniture , the car and some of the neighbors. The pack leader mentality is truly his. We are his servants. And one of those servant services is constantly cleaning up his EXCESSIVE hair. We have giant dust hair bunnies that weigh in at 5 pounds. Dark green furniture and dog hair do not mix well or help your home make the cover of Coastal Home Living magazine.

We have dog hair in every conceivable place in our home and even places that would not appear in your wildest dreams or fantasies. The dog sheds like Niagara Falls. Constantly and excessively his hair multiplies like wild horny rabbits. He leaves no bed skirt unscathed. I find dog hair in the refrigerator. How gross is that. Hair, hair everywhere but we love the old fool who has us trained.

The holidays are fast approaching and I purchased these lovely new foot adornments called - Fitflops. High end flipflops with a mission. Firm those buns. Tighten those saggy calves. Show the world that you are not afraid to push the envelope.

I decided since we had dress down week at work and flip-flops are on the naughty list that I would break the rules and wear my new Fitflops. The toes were in a sad sorry state of affairs so something was needed to bring those toes up to snuff. The color red is bold, sassy, bright and the only color nail polish I could find without leaving home and spending $20.00 bucks. I gussied up those 10 deformed toes of mine with that slightly old and out of date red nail polish and walked around the house to dry my little piggies. I assumed that nail polish several years old does not degrade and take more than mere minutes to dry completely. I'm back to my assuming again.

I slipped my trampy red painted toes into my new Fitflops and off I went to work. I'm not entirely sure when I finally looked down at my spiffy new flip flops and my cherry red painted toes but the shock was enough to raise the blood pressure and embarrassment to the same shade of red on my piggy toes.

Did I mention that I own or actually am owned by a big robust German Shepard that sheds his hair faster than the stock market drops? Do I need to mention that still wet red nail polish attracts massive amounts of dog hair? OMG!!! I have troll feet!!! I'm at work with this - this - hair protruding from my toes that are elegantly painted trampy red. And the polish is dry and hard as the rock of ages. The hair is cemented to my trampy red painted toes. And I have to face the world.
This little piggy stays home, this little piggy goes to work and all the little piggies painted bright-bold red encased in lovely new Fitflops are mutants.

No comments: