Fleece the public

I'm a wee bit jealous of Octo-Mom, Nadya Suleman. How you say? Well it certainly is not from all the negative publicity and death threats she is accumulating. And not the fact that she has 14 children, no job, no home and no reality show offers. Her income is derived from taxpayer monies - like mine. I hear she will be writing a book in the near future.
My green jealousy comes from the fact that she has her nails professionally done in a lovely 'french manicure.' She has no job and no visible means of income and she has her nails done and that does not come cheap.
I work and cannot afford to have my nails done. Something is terribly wrong with this situation. I want nice manicured nails like her. There is no money in my budget for that so I needed to improvise. And that I did or tried.
I purchased the 'do-it-yerself' french manicure kit. The cost was about $7.00. I will go without my afternoon snack at the vending machine for several months. Not using the vending machine is a good thing because it still contains many peanut butter products that should have been removed from society.
With a little gleam in my baby blues I read the directions on the 'french manicure' kit. I followed the directions to the 'T'. Something went drastically wrong. The white polish does not come off tables, toes or skin. I have scrubbed and scrubbed and still the white lumpy polish will not budge.
I am so displeased with this so called easy manicure kit that I almost tossed the whole mess in the trash. Then, I remembered I shelled out $7.00 and had to give up my afternoon treats from the office vending machine.
Perhaps I could ship the 'french manicure' kit to Nadya and she could do her own nails and not use taxpayers money. Perhaps I could quit my job pop out a dozen or more kids and have my nails done by a professional using taxpayers money. Maybe I'll just wear gloves or use a clear nail polish from the dollar store.

Shower with a friend - save water

My arm is a little sore and tender and my depression is humongous. Woe is me. Get over it!
I was in desperate need of a shower but sort of kind of unable to do it alone. My Knight in Shining Armor (Hubby) to the rescue. I donned the plastic bag on my arm and stepped into his loving arms. Actually I really forced myself on to him and he went with the flow. We have an awesome rain shower thingy in the shower that flows like the monsoons. But also conserves water. I am not water wasteful!
It's wonderful when someone else washes your hair and it's magic when someone you love washes your hair. It sent tingles down my spine - wait that was pain from my lower back. Whatever. A truly exciting experience. The hair washing not the pain in my spine.
I feel refreshed and sparkly clean. Thank you Rob-in-Hood.

Flying Rats

I'm walking nonchalantly through the parking lot to buy groceries enjoying the beautiful sunshine and great weather. It's a Florida thing. Puffy white clouds bright sun and a slight gulf breeze were just mesmerizing. I found a parking space close to the door. I'm enjoying life and ignoring the pain in my arm from the surgery. I'm heading to the pharmacy to retrieve my prescriptions to ease the dull arm ache and kill any bad germs that may be attacking my innards.
The fact that I took an entire day off from work also may me giddy.
All of a sudden just like the Alfred Hitchcock movie, 'The Birds', with Tippi Hedron, - they came - out of nowhere. A gigantus flock of them flying ever so low over the parking lot and my head. The ultimate displeasure happened. Plop. Right on my head and dribbling down my face. OMG. The flying rats were dumping their waste right on top of me and it wasn't coming from their beaks. How embarrassing - how demeaning - how disgusting. What to do? I need that medicine and I need it now!
I pondered the situation and realized my pain needed drugs. I strutted right inside the store grabbed several of the wipes that they keep by the front door to remove fecal matter from the grocery carts and I started wiping. Actually I used half of the canister. I did one last wipe of my hands and strolled right up to the prescription drop-off counter. The pharmacist gave me a strange look but I stood my ground. I waited impatiently in line for my prescriptions and ignored the stares and whispers. My payback for taking the entire day off????

Emerald City

Sometimes I feel like the Scarecrow on the Wizard of Oz. It's not exactly that I don't have a brain it's just that at times it is non-functional. I forget things, I misplace things, I lose things, I break things (unintentionally) I have brain blanks and CRS.

I try to keep my world organized to help the situation until I get to conference with the Great Wizard of Oz. That is not always easy. The sticky notes I write are eaten by the dog just like my homework. The funny thing is my dog does eat homework, sticky notes and anything edible including plastic toys.

My latest disaster was last night just before dusk when hubby and I went on a bike ride. A harmless task one would think. First I unfolded both of the folding bikes. I didn't realize there is a lock on the handlebars that needs to be set in motion. OOOPS. They held in place with no help from my handy work. Hubby pointed out my mistake when we returned home and I realized my cell phone was missing.

I had placed it in my pocket or did I? I ran through the housing searching. I called my number and listened for it to ring inside the house. I searched for my phone case. Sometimes I clip my case to my waistband. My case was no one to be found that is if I left it in the designated phone case spot.

I jumped in the truck it's now almost dark. I drive frantically while hubby is the lookout man for a black phone case holding a brand new pink cell phone. What if someone picked it up and used all my minutes. I do not have roll over minutes. What if a car rolled over my lovely new pink cell phone. Talk about roll over minutes! So many negative things could have happened to my phone and I thought of them all.

"Stop, go back. I see something in the gutter," yells hubby. I turn the car almost taking down a stop sign to find an orange candy wrapper lying useless on the side of the road.

I turn onto the main road driving at a snails pace and I see a car on my bumper. There's no place to pull over and he's driving like a maniac. If I let him pass he is surely destined to crush my phone with his funny looking tires.

I make a right turn following the path we took on the folding but not unfolded properly route. And we both see a small object in the middle of the road. My Knight in shining arm leaps from the truck and scoops up my new pink cell phone encased in its sturdy black case.

I open the case and run my shaking hands over the shiny pink phone and flip er open. Lights, camera, action - she works. I am sooooo lucky.

Silence is golden

A home should be quiet and relaxing. It should be a place where one can go let their hair down and chill. That doesn't often happen at my home. It's noisy and at times resembles Grand Central Station.
In the bedroom I have an air cleaner that makes noise. I have a cool mist humidifier in the main living area and it's really noisy add the dishwasher and one cannot hear themselves think. Not that I want my thoughts exposed to some family members. The ice slash water in the refrigerate door also makes noise. The washer and dryer are noisy only on weekends or for an emergency washing. The televisions in all the rooms run constantly. If I forget to turn off the alarm that causes ear drum damage. Lest we not forget the smoke alarms when the batteries are getting low - beep-beep-beep.
The phones with all their different chimes and tones, the doorbell, the dog howling at the sirens, the cat screaming for her food. The vacuum cleaner is a noise blaster more worser than the kids music. I like the term - more worser. The morning doves chirping away and helicopters flying overhead. Neighbors talking a little too loud and the constant traffic driving down my dead end street. Stay off my cul-de-sac!
Then, the open door policy of the kid and his friends. And all their cell phones and texting and car doors slamming and general kid stuff noise.
I am just expecting a little peace and quiet in my home.