Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Manatee Madness

I have mailbox envy. It eats away at my self worth and cul-de-sac status. I have no idea how many people have this disorder? Perhaps it is only me. How sad is that? To be or not to be the only crazy with mailbox envy - but woe is me.

I decided to hit this strange disorder head on - face first and at the curb. My current pathetic mail holder (an embarrassment to the entire neighborhood) sits crookedly on a post that has truly seen better days and would be better off in a landfill for broken posts and forgotten dreams. The mail box is black metal - bottom of the line - and was at one point in time covered (looks like gorilla gloo) with narrow wooden slats glued to old black metal receptacle.

Time, weather and a general lack of care has caused said wooden faded, fungus covered slats to fall off and disappear into some oblivion world never to be seen again. What is left on black faded metal container for mail is that funny looking gorilla gloo. A vomit provoking sight to have and behold till death do us part. The death of the black metal bin sitting on the wooden crooked post.

My quest began in earnest to replace this deplorable tacky mailbox and the sad wooden post. I found my dream deluxe mailbox along the streets in the Florida Keys. WOW - I wanted one of those pretty babies perched next to my driveway. It seemed like so many people had this awesome deluxe mailbox. I had to have one - to keep up with the Jones's and to satisfy my mailbox envy.

There she was - and I could tell the mailbox was a SHE. I can just figure out those sorta things. It's this bizarre knack I have. My need-to-have-must-have dream mailbox was a manatee. She is grey and stands proudly with flippers pointing straight out holding a metal box. I wanted that mailbox!!!!

So, I stopped at an establishment somewhere along the keys and asked about my dream mailbox. I no longer wanted mailbox envy - I wanted the real deal. The proprietor stated that the Manatee mailbox was $299.00. Okay I could mortgage the house to get this awesome mailbox. Price was of no concern to me. Then he says the little mama weighs 450 pounds made of solid cement and takes four people to load the endangered species onto a flatbed. Actually he said four men but I feel that is a sexist statement. Now that is a problem the weight not the sexist statement.

She will certainly not fit in the back of our mini sized pick-up and travel up the coast of Florida to her new home. And the cost of shipping is way out of the question due to the fact that a second house mortgage would secure the mailbox and I couldn't possible take out a third mortgage to transport her to her new home.

I guess I could rent a post office box. I have turned the bend - gone in another direction and perhaps given up my dream of owning a 450 pound cement manatee mailbox. This is where I have gone.....

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