Pursuing Paradise

What is it about Florida that attracts so many - non-conformist? Or individuals living outside the norm. Normal - what does that mean? Who is to say what is normal and what is bizarre? Why Do gazillions flock to this paradise surrounded by the forces of mother nature? Her waves crash upon the shores leaving messages in the sand. And there are those that see and hear those messages and follow them with wild abandon.

And I - am here standing in the midst of all this glorious splendor and quirkiness. Apparently I fit in well although I am not traveling the streets with a British flag tied to my neck flapping in the breeze. What I do have flapping in the breeze is a sail from a long ago sailboat tied to the palms trees in my side yard. It's blue and white with the numbers 986 stamped in black print on both sides. I assume the numbers have a meaning or perhaps a message.

I placed the giant sail in the side yard to cover the turtle ponds to keep the harsh sun off the turtles. I certainly hope they appreciate my concerns for them. Speaking of turtles my yard has become a turtle haven. Is that bordering on norm? Anyways the sail makes a lovely calming sound when the wind blows and I can pretend I'm in the middle of the ocean sailing into the sunset. It's like a having an anti anxiety pill at your beck and call 24/7. It transport the mind and soul to a relaxed world. And it cost nothing and is not addicting. Or is it?

Then I have the painted pink rocking chair on my front veranda filled with old leather shoes and flowers. It's my form of recycling. In the side yard sits an old rusted red wheel borrow filled with dirt and once filled with flowers but the flowers died and the dirt sprouts pretty weeds so there she sits. The front wheel has deflated and sags precariously to the East. Until last week a huge faux clay pot sat right next to the red rusted wheel borrow minus the flowers. It housed the hose. After a few years the heat from the Florida sun melted the faux clay plot that housed the hose and she ended up in some landfill far away from here. Recycling can only go so far.

So what is it about this paradise that attracts those following the beat of a different drum. Speaking of drums I attended my first drum circle - awesome. The drums and the flapping of my sail makes a wondrous melody of music for the soul. I wonder if that is in the book 'Chicken Soup For The Soul'?

http://www.tampabay.com/news/education/k12/moon-lake-elementary-students-get-lessons-in-team-building/1118034

The Rats of NIMH

Hubby and I have reached the ultimate LOW in the entertainment department. August in Florida is somewhat like standing on the rim of hell in a Nannuck of the North furry winter jacket with a faux fox fur lined hood. We are a non animal wearing family. Except for cat dander and her excessive shedding all over the house. A little known fact about Florida - it's HOT here. Most of the time.

When daring to go outside and braving the elements we head for the pool. AAAHHH. Even after swimming laps, diving to the bottom to remove dead spiders - even after the fingers have shriveled up the pool loses its magnetic pull. What to do?

Off to Walmart and the clearance section - my all time favorite place to be on a Saturday morning watching the Walmartonians in full dress uniforms. A new one is a guy - shirtless - baggy shorts - work boots with white long socks - holding a guitar with a huge smile on his face and a British flag draped around his neck like Superman's cape. He struts his wares up and down the main street. I don't know if he is protesting BP or some of their elusive oil has penetrated his brain matter.

Back to Walmart and the clearance section. We purchased two super-soakers. For pool amusement after the fun wears out. Our new game is shooting (pool water) at the red ants and an occasional anole. How sad our existence has become that we have stooped to this level. Next we may be wrapping ourselves in a Confederate flag and skip down main street playing a flute waiting for the rats to follow us to Walmart.

Roadkill Rattlesnake

What it means to cook food well is find a nice fresh rattlesnake road kill and make some magic. After gently removing the specimen from the side of any two lane highway place it into a cooler filled with ice. Always obtain your ingredients from a proper location.

Upon returning place the juicy morsel in a slurry marinate of hand squeezed Florida orange juice with all the pulp, ground sandspurs, sea oil, sea salt, a smidgeon of lime juice, Tupelo Florida honey, diced leaves from the White Tupelo tree, ¼ cup hearts of palm, the crushed shells from two spiny lobsters and 6 and ½ cups of Florida moonshine or white lightening. When in season minced stone crab claws can be substituted for the spiny lobster shells. Florida moonshine also known as white lightening can be purchased on any rural road south of Lake Okeechobee. Marinate for approximately three weeks inside the garage refrigerator.

After marination is complete remove reptile and firmly wrap in Black Tupelo Tree leaves and place in the Florida sun for 45 minutes. The reptile concoction needs to be placed immediately in the freezer behind the frozen shrimp bait. During hurricane season use a back up generator to keep the fridge working and the beer chilled.

The rattlesnake road kill can be kept in the freezer for 24 years or till your in-laws from the north come for a two week visit. Remove the reptile from the freezer and leave to thaw overnight on the laminate countertop in the kitchen. Place a beach towel beneath the delicacy to absorb all the drippings. The towel can be used later at the local swimming hole to attract other reptiles.

Slice the reptile with a hacksaw on the tailgate of your truck. Wear your safety goggles and gloves. Have one of the kids (older than 6) light up the outdoor grill in your front yard or dig a six foot hole. Sinkholes work fairly well. Never use gasoline to start the grill. It makes the rattlesnake taste funny. After the grill has been smoking for 16 minutes place a wild boar in the bottom of the pit. Do not attempt this if you have a metal grill. The wild boar will not fit.

Place the road kill rattlesnake skin side down in the cast iron kettle. Add three cups of lard to the kettle and cook for 36 minutes. Place on a bed of seaweed plucked from the gulf side. Remove the twelve pack of Ybor Gold from the garage refrigerator and serve to all guests and in-laws before the main course.

Alternatives for cooking road kill rattlesnake – skewer the sliced reptile and place directly in the coals. This version has lower fat content and can be eaten right off the metal rods. No plated or knives are needed. This makes a wonderful tailgate picnic while camping in the Withlacoochee State Forest or on the run from the Florida Fish, Game and Wildlife Society.

Hang up and drive

I saw an amazing and rather stupid scene yesterday. A young teenager riding his bike down a very busy highway at a very high rate of speed - texting. Both of his hands were holding the phone and he was texting and looking down at his hands. OMG!!

At least he wasn't in a car. And if and when he ever does get to drive a car I am certain he will still be texting. I am always amazed at what some people will do.

Are we that much in a hurry that we can't stop for a few minutes and send a message? Or does texting consume our entire scope of life? I don't understand the whole texting bit.

Or the constant cell phone to the ear. I see people standing in line at the grocery store talking and letting the clerk wait till they are done holding up everyone else. People in the doctor's office, the movies and yes even church on the cell phones. Give me a break not a ring.

The Mosque

I am so glad to live in America and have freedom of religion - freedom of speech and all the other perks I receive for living in a FREE society. I have no thoughts of hopping in a 17 foot boat with 30 other people and traveling the rough seas to freedom. I have it right here.

I do not live in a shack or cardboard structure and find my food in the trash bins. My drinking water is not contaminated. Even if I were homeless I could stand on the street corner with my cardboard sign and beg for money or shop at the local food bank. Here there is opportunity waiting for me.

I am thankful I can go to a church of my choosing and profess my specific religion or profess my lack of religion. I can practice witchcraft and not be burnt at the stake. I can drink beer on Sunday morning instead of attending a local religious establishment or spend all day Sunday praying or singing. I have so many choices.

The Mosque near ground zero is perhaps insensitive but not a terrorist act. It is a religious freedom that we all share. Teaching tolerance should be taught in all schools along with respect and community involvement.

Those famous words - "Why can't we all just get along."

We are a selfish, greedy and inflexible group of people at times. I am thankful for the freedom that I have in this country and the people who help keep that freedom safe for all of us. If you take away my religious freedom what do I have left?