Thursday, June 4, 2009

How To Make A Grand Entrance

My intentions were to make a list of 10 ways to make a grand entrance in a public place in front of friends, strangers and the world. I'm much-more-better at rambling incoherently and being a safety hazard to myself. I've read that making list on blogs gets attention, improves your stats and is more reader friendly. Tomorrow I shall work on lists. Today I will ramble and let the wind carry my thoughts.

I went to this wonderful (free food) party at the local Applebees. Smiles, hellos and hugs were rampant. I sashayed over to the table where I spotted some friends. More smiles, hellos and hugs - for real this time. I squeezed in to the tight spot right next to a former co-worker. "Were in a tight spot", a phrase by George Clooney from the movie -'Oh Brother Where Art Though'. Strange that Art was hosting this party.
It all happened so fast but it lasted so long. Nice wooden bar stools with red leather cushioned seats. I must add slippery red leather seats and strong wooden legs. Thank goodness the floor was carpeted.
I stepped right up to that empty wooden read leathered seat bar stool to assume the position. The red leathered seat was like a greased pig because my bottom side slid off that baby faster than a speeding bullet. Smack - right on that carpeted floor. My legs grotesquely tangled through the rungs of that wooden bar stool with my purse sitting precariously on top of my head. Quiet throughout the restaurant.
I reached up and grabbed the second rung of the bar stool with my face as red as the seat cushion on the bar stool. I removed the purse now posing as a hat atop my head. My new pink cell phone went ice skating across the carpeted floor and landed two tables down. Oh please - someone do not step on my cell phone because of my cheapness I did not take out replacement insurance on the fancy new phone.
I struggled for a little composure as I raised my battered body from the carpeted floor. I pulled my skirt down and tugged hopelessly at my blouse. Pretending this was a grand entrance I stood for all the world to see with as much dignity as humanly possible and once again tried to plunk my bottom on that red leather seated bar stool. Some kind soul passed my unscathed cell phone to my table - thankfully without comment.
As if this were just another day in my life I sat with back straight (hurting ) and nonchalantly placed my elbows on the table and squeezed my hands together to stop the trembling. Trembling from humiliation. I made no eye contact with fellow party participants. A few asked if I had already had a few. I laughed. My elbow hurt. Pain shot down my arm dislocating my smile.
The waitress eyed me with a deep dark suspicion and asked about my well being. "I'm fine, I'll have a frozen Margarita." She sent me that look again - as if I'd already had too much to drink. Party talk took over and my embarrassment eased a little.
The farewell party came to an end with more smiles, wishes and hugs. I walked off with my head held high and my dignity partially restored. You know those mats placed by the entrances with one corner slightly turned up a tiny little bit. They should not be there.

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