Robert Did It

Sooner or later they all end up in Florida. Florida is a huge melting pot of creative, loving and off the scale individuals. The diversity and absurdity in Florida is like no other alien planet. And I love it in Florida. Florida is so more much better than The Jersey Shore or Desperate Housewives. There is always something brewing on the back burner in Florida.

So who should appear - not a shiny nosed reindeer that was last month.....BUT.....Ballon Boy and his wack parents. Not only did they move to the wonderful state of Florida they moved close to me. Oh no.

I will have to keep my eyes to the sky in search of another escapee balloon. I will keep my camcorder close by to catch that elusive ship possibly carrying a young child and place it right smack on You Tube. Documentation of his next project or disaster. Isn't it amazing what some will do for attention and notoriety.

As for me I just want to float through life having fun and being happy. Not exactly floating I do want my two wobbly feet planted firmly on the sandy soil in Florida. The soil where it is impossible for me to grow anything. Whatever......Speaking of feet and not the smelly kind but the kind that are going under the surgeons knife once again. OUCH and YUCK -----when will this nightmare end?

Think positive, think positive. Today is a beautiful day in Florida. Think about the balloon boy and the drama that may come with them residing in the Sunshine state of Florida with a new Governor who says he will create more jobs and then fires 11 people. I'm not good in math but this doesn't add up.

And let's not forget Robert the doll and the pin I purchased for hubby that says ......Robert Did It....he being a Robert, it seemed appropriate.

Fractured, Frail and Forewarned

Florida is - well Florida is rather difficult to describe in terms that match the real world. A reality television show in Florida would certainly be a masterpiece right up there with 'The Three Stooges.' Florida is a mixture of sugar, salt and smoked fish or road kill on an all you can eat buffet.

My sister came down to Florida for a vacation and a visit with me - the older sister. The one that ended up in the Florida soup of mixed greens and other oddities. I warned her about life in paradise.

Rule number 1. Never stand in my front yard when the neighbor backs out of her driveway. When one has reached the wonderful ripe young age of 93 one should consider taking a taxi and ripping up that drivers license. Yes, my sweet senior neighbor has ended up parked in my front yard - just inches from the bedroom window.

Rule number 2. There are many of these people on the roads and they drive. Unfortunately they drive through plate glass windows when going to the bank - right through the front doors of a cafe that doesn't even have drive-thru. And there was that brand new beautiful bus stop on the corner of Rowan and Regency - that is no more. If you see one of these behind the wheel of a car - take a detour - get out of their way.

Rule number 3. Yes, you can go out and about in your nightie. (She did not believe me on this one)

We pulled into a parking space at the grocery store - driving on the correct side of the road, doing the speed limit, taking up only one parking space and who should appear but a night gown fashion icon.

My sister - doubter that she WAS begins to laugh as she watches the lady exit her car parked at a precarious angle dressed totally in her nightie. Pink flannel ankle length attire with little white flowers and slippers to match. Her purple purse was large and flopped like a dead rabbit against her well rounded butt tocks. A little too much for the world to see at 11 AM in the morning.

"You see, I was not telling tales," I say.

My sister is awash with tears as she cannot believe what is crossing the lot on this wonderful winter day in sunny Florida. Welcome to Paradise - where anything goes.

Three rules is enough to grasp on a first visit.

Florida Freeze

It's been cold in Florida lately and we are not at all conditioned to this blast of frigid air. We are flip-flop junkies in shorts and t-shirts. I would do barefoot if not for all those dang sand spurs. OUCH!!!!

So the little guy who hasn't much fur at all and just about hairless on his little belly began to shake. Poor baby doesn't like this cold weather either. Off we go to the land of Wallyworld - very early in the morning to miss the barrage of rather strange looking individuals who walk the trails to Walmart. And yes, I spotted one on the way out and no camera to document the episode. Some parts of the body just need to be covered - cold or not cold.

I purchased the little guy a red plaid flannel jacket and he looks so sweet. He is now a brave kitty-cat hunter. Whatever - at least his shivering has stopped. Monday night the freeze is supposed to hit so we are prepared.