Klutzzz Syndrome

I am superb at performing odd twists of fate. Actually if the truth be told I may end up in the Guinness Book of Records on how to perform stupid fumbles.
A friend sent me this statement and it reflects me like a mirror. Although I am prone to breaking mirrors and then my reflection gets distorted - WHATEVER.

I scream the same way whether I'm about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.

So this morning I let out one of those screams. No shark in my bedroom or seaweed. Unfortunately my bedroom has a door frame - and a door knob - and a door which I promptly shut. On my left hand - hence the blood curdling scream. At least it was my left hand.

How does one do stunts like this? If I only knew! After one of these episodes I often never-ever do the same performance. I move on to other disasters.

Dang.........my finger hurts. It's swelled so I removed my rings. The knuckle will never be the same. I am hoping the pain will ease up and the puffiness dissipates. I mean like - I have to go to work today. I can't call in sick and say "Oh by the way I slammed my hand in the bedroom door." That sounds so made up.

At this moment in time I am typing one handed. How will I make it through the day?

Don't Pee In The Pool

I feel like I'm turning into a Howard Hughes basket case. Germs, bacteria and other icky stuff has been on my mind a lot lately. I think it started with the swine flu that is no longer called the swine flu - it's now called numbers and letters of which I don't remember. They changed the name so the association of pigs and health hazards weren't confused. The flu is the flu.

When I go to the grocery store I use the sanitizing wipes and clean off the shopping cart. Takes me ten minutes but I feel better. You know who sits in that little space by the handle and sometimes that diaper could leak yucky stuff and land on my cart. Better clean and safe than sorry and sick. And then that moving belt by the cashier. I get ill just thinking about placing my groceries on that belt.

So I started being wary of people in public that look or acted sick or were picking their noses. I keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse. When using public facilities I wash my hands and open the doors with my shoulder so as not to touch dirty knobs.

I have been using gallons of hand sanitizer, washing my sheets in hot water and scrubbing the house with Lysol. Recently I read that you should not share towels. Body crud and other disgusting microns attach their deadly selves to the towels and then jump on to the next person that uses the towel. Do I want my spouses flaking body particles on me? No.

Many hotels are now leaving little notes about reusing towels and sleeping more than one night on the same sheets. They claim it saves the environment. I may be saving the environment but am I placing my health in jeopardy?

From this day forward I will make housekeeping leave me extra towels. I removed all my pool towels that dry on chairs outside after usage (sharing towels again) and washed them all in hot water. I'm using lots of hot water lately. Can't wait to get the electric bill.

Today I read that 1 out of 5 people pee in the pool. OMG! When urine mixes with chlorine it forms a new agent that can attack the respiratory system. Now I am wondering about my asthma. I'm thinking public pools have just been wiped off my list.

So is this how it started for Howard?