Yesterday, I was rad racing my way to work a little behind schedule and still in that morning mind fog. Lots of pressure, stress and unfortunate circumstances not so unlike Lemony Snickets issues were filling my fragmented thoughts.
For reason beyond my control I reached up with my right hand and touched my chin which at that precise moment reminded me of 'that' thinker statue. Or one of the three monkey see-monkey do - statues. Thinking so early in the morning causes me brain freezes.
At that moment in time the tips of my fingers felt it. Chin hair stubble and not the 5 o'clock shadow that is so hot looking today. Hot looking if you are a twenty-something male but not an over the hill Goddess of the Moon.
I looked at my hairy mass in the rear view mirror and screamed in horror. This caused the said vehicle to swerve a tiny little bit from the right hand side of Moon Lake Road. Definitely not my error in judgement - those pesky vehicles. I removed my hand from the offending HUGE mutant black hair mass protruding from my chin and was fraught with 'what to do'.
I'm too late to turn around and head back home to remove the said perpetrator from my chin. I yanked at the wiry black object with no success. Swerving again - I looked for those white cars with the blue lights on top. None were in sight - good for me.
I could walk around all day with my hand plastered to my chin and perhaps no one would notice. It's so difficult working one handed. I could stop at the grocery store and buy some tweezers and eradicate the little wiry sucker myself but I forgot my purse. It's that morning mind fog issue and running late - it'll get you every time. Brain freeze begins to un-thaw and I remember my drivers license is in the purse.
I look around for more of those suspicious white cars with the blue lights on top. The brain freeze has completely un-thawed and is now fast approaching and is now nearing the meltdown. How long has this inch long mutant black wiry appendage been protruding from my chin? It certainly did not pop out overnight. Who knows it could have been protruding for eons for all the fashion statement police to see and whisper about behind my back. This is more worser than falling off that bar stool before drinking.
I'll huff and I'll puff (asthma) and be out of breathe for the remainder of the day still obsessing over that mutant chin hair.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
How To Make A Grand Entrance
My intentions were to make a list of 10 ways to make a grand entrance in a public place in front of friends, strangers and the world. I'm much-more-better at rambling incoherently and being a safety hazard to myself. I've read that making list on blogs gets attention, improves your stats and is more reader friendly. Tomorrow I shall work on lists. Today I will ramble and let the wind carry my thoughts.
I went to this wonderful (free food) party at the local Applebees. Smiles, hellos and hugs were rampant. I sashayed over to the table where I spotted some friends. More smiles, hellos and hugs - for real this time. I squeezed in to the tight spot right next to a former co-worker. "Were in a tight spot", a phrase by George Clooney from the movie -'Oh Brother Where Art Though'. Strange that Art was hosting this party.
It all happened so fast but it lasted so long. Nice wooden bar stools with red leather cushioned seats. I must add slippery red leather seats and strong wooden legs. Thank goodness the floor was carpeted.
I stepped right up to that empty wooden read leathered seat bar stool to assume the position. The red leathered seat was like a greased pig because my bottom side slid off that baby faster than a speeding bullet. Smack - right on that carpeted floor. My legs grotesquely tangled through the rungs of that wooden bar stool with my purse sitting precariously on top of my head. Quiet throughout the restaurant.
I reached up and grabbed the second rung of the bar stool with my face as red as the seat cushion on the bar stool. I removed the purse now posing as a hat atop my head. My new pink cell phone went ice skating across the carpeted floor and landed two tables down. Oh please - someone do not step on my cell phone because of my cheapness I did not take out replacement insurance on the fancy new phone.
I struggled for a little composure as I raised my battered body from the carpeted floor. I pulled my skirt down and tugged hopelessly at my blouse. Pretending this was a grand entrance I stood for all the world to see with as much dignity as humanly possible and once again tried to plunk my bottom on that red leather seated bar stool. Some kind soul passed my unscathed cell phone to my table - thankfully without comment.
As if this were just another day in my life I sat with back straight (hurting ) and nonchalantly placed my elbows on the table and squeezed my hands together to stop the trembling. Trembling from humiliation. I made no eye contact with fellow party participants. A few asked if I had already had a few. I laughed. My elbow hurt. Pain shot down my arm dislocating my smile.
The waitress eyed me with a deep dark suspicion and asked about my well being. "I'm fine, I'll have a frozen Margarita." She sent me that look again - as if I'd already had too much to drink. Party talk took over and my embarrassment eased a little.
The farewell party came to an end with more smiles, wishes and hugs. I walked off with my head held high and my dignity partially restored. You know those mats placed by the entrances with one corner slightly turned up a tiny little bit. They should not be there.
I went to this wonderful (free food) party at the local Applebees. Smiles, hellos and hugs were rampant. I sashayed over to the table where I spotted some friends. More smiles, hellos and hugs - for real this time. I squeezed in to the tight spot right next to a former co-worker. "Were in a tight spot", a phrase by George Clooney from the movie -'Oh Brother Where Art Though'. Strange that Art was hosting this party.
It all happened so fast but it lasted so long. Nice wooden bar stools with red leather cushioned seats. I must add slippery red leather seats and strong wooden legs. Thank goodness the floor was carpeted.
I stepped right up to that empty wooden read leathered seat bar stool to assume the position. The red leathered seat was like a greased pig because my bottom side slid off that baby faster than a speeding bullet. Smack - right on that carpeted floor. My legs grotesquely tangled through the rungs of that wooden bar stool with my purse sitting precariously on top of my head. Quiet throughout the restaurant.
I reached up and grabbed the second rung of the bar stool with my face as red as the seat cushion on the bar stool. I removed the purse now posing as a hat atop my head. My new pink cell phone went ice skating across the carpeted floor and landed two tables down. Oh please - someone do not step on my cell phone because of my cheapness I did not take out replacement insurance on the fancy new phone.
I struggled for a little composure as I raised my battered body from the carpeted floor. I pulled my skirt down and tugged hopelessly at my blouse. Pretending this was a grand entrance I stood for all the world to see with as much dignity as humanly possible and once again tried to plunk my bottom on that red leather seated bar stool. Some kind soul passed my unscathed cell phone to my table - thankfully without comment.
As if this were just another day in my life I sat with back straight (hurting ) and nonchalantly placed my elbows on the table and squeezed my hands together to stop the trembling. Trembling from humiliation. I made no eye contact with fellow party participants. A few asked if I had already had a few. I laughed. My elbow hurt. Pain shot down my arm dislocating my smile.
The waitress eyed me with a deep dark suspicion and asked about my well being. "I'm fine, I'll have a frozen Margarita." She sent me that look again - as if I'd already had too much to drink. Party talk took over and my embarrassment eased a little.
The farewell party came to an end with more smiles, wishes and hugs. I walked off with my head held high and my dignity partially restored. You know those mats placed by the entrances with one corner slightly turned up a tiny little bit. They should not be there.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
In Search Of
In search of whirled peas and endless adventures.
10 sure ways of finding the solution.
1. Laugh like your life depends upon it
2. Run like the wind is chasing you
3. Spin your dreams from passion
4. Befriend a friend and become a friend
5. Skip to your own drum beat
6. Walk in the rain without an umbrella
7. Connect with the earth and get dirty
8. Let your imagination explode
9. Whisper words of encouragement to yourself
10. Cry if your soul is pained
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Meet Jim
Jim's new habitat. I think he likes the new space.
If only I knew what type of turtle-tortoise he was?
If only I knew what type of turtle-tortoise he was?
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