Does this fur make my butt look fat?

Are cats as really vain as they appear to be???? I mean they're always sitting around preening themselves - licking their long sharp nails. Sitting right there in your favorite seat as if they were in charge of the throne and certainly acting like they are the critter in charge.

And then that LOOK they toss your way especially if you try to get them to move from their throne. The prissy way they eat their food or not eat their food. They stick that little nose right up in the air along with that bushy tail and saunter away like one would dismiss a fast food haunt.

After the kitty bearing years or hopefully way before that happens they just let themselves go. The belly appears looming like saddlebags from a rodeo show. It hangs low to the ground and flaps back and forth as they walk from one sunny spot to the next. They sprawl on their back four legs split apart and that belly flab just sitting there like a mass of lard. At this point in time they can't do as much preening due to the enormous mound of belly flubber.

And then the whine when they think they need something. And that could be just a back rub or a head scratch but they want it now. If action is not taken according to their time schedule a slap as you walk by reminds you of their wants. Do not be even two minutes late at feeding time because the wrath is unbearable.

But still they give anyone and everyone that LOOK like - 'Look at me I'm so special and sooo pretty - now get out of my way and get me some canned cat food.'

The cat who cried wolf

It's 4:30 AM - AM as in really really early in the morning - way TOO early to be dragged out of bed by you the CAT from down under. (get my drift) You sit right outside my door at 4:30 AM screeching. Listen you fur ball - it's not time to eat. You eat at 6 AM. Stop that screeching and whining and scratching at the door. Let me sleep. You could use a little yourself. Add and extra hour or so to the 23 hours per day you already sleep in total bliss.

You are not starving - you are obese. Sorry if that hurts your feelings and I am sure it doesn't but - you are a fat cat. Go back to sleep and leave me alone. You will not waste away to nothing if your bowl is not filled.

What will happen when the time changes? Will you be screeching all day for food? Why don't you catch mice like other more normal cats? Oh, that's right you are not normal that's why you live with us. Maybe you need a playmate - like a mastiff an extra large puppy.

Beast or Burden

I have an injured right thumb so it makes it quite difficult to work the keyboard and the mouse. My bandaged thumb slips right off the mouse and my pointer finger gets confused hits buttons and off I go somewhere on an Internet site that I was not aiming for. Such is life - always getting sidetracked or derailed.

The cause of my thumb injury is sitting in the window just glaring at me. She's a beast and sometimes a burden but mostly a pain in the caboose. Her temperament is at best evil. She rubs up against you in pure delight and when you go to acknowledge her presence she nails you with her dagger claws.

Sometimes I do torment her and as always I end up with the short end of the stick. This weekend I was rubbing her backside (worst part of her body to touch) and she nailed my thumb - I pulled away with her deadly claw stuck in the end of my thumb. OUCH!!!!! So the throbbing thumb is all bandaged up and still painful. My bad.

I am hoping this injury doesn't end up as 'cat scratch fever'.

Copacetic

His muscles tense and twitch in a slow rhythm keeping a steady pace with the slight breeze. His eyes big and round stare with a touch of fright and total concentration locked in place. A dog barks incessantly on the next street over. A car horn toots several times, tires squeal and the sound of metal crushing into metal fills the air. Far in the distance a siren wails, moving closer.

The engine of a lawn mover sputters to silence. A storm door creaks the hum of a heat pump and the roar of a chainsaw become melodies of the day. A lone wind chime tinkles in the breeze. The sprinkler hisses fast sending spurts of water droplets across the newly mown grass.

His ears now are arched toward the back of his head his nostrils flare ever so slightly. The grayness of the chain link fence melds into the dusk settling in for the evening. Little black hairs rise along his spine. A low soft growl leaks.

His paw reaches quickly and makes one slash through the rectangle in the chain link fence.
A small gray tabby returns the slap. Muscles twitching and whiskers flinching the fight drags on. Slow, methodical without the intensity or harm. It’s more like a warning or a threat. You stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine, guarding ones territory with the protection of the fence. Playing, teasing and testing knowing they are safe and secure behind the security wall.

The black cat shakes his head and lumbers under the shade of a mimosa tree. He lays partially hidden in the tangles of the unkempt flowers. The gray tabby paces along the fence searching for his foe with the fence shielding them from danger separating them from hostilities.
Darkness spills into the yard as the sun disappears for the day as both felines with their confidence waning dash for a safer place.

Cat Whisperer

Cats do not like change. At least my cat does not like any change. Several weeks ago the cat was banned from the bedroom due to my asthma. She still has not accepted that, under the bed was her secret hiding place. She is not a particularly friendly cat. She panics when strangers or anyone comes into the house.
Recently we rearranged the furniture in the family room. This action sent kitty into anxiety mode. Then we purchased a new refrigerator and more things in the house changed. This moved her up to the red level zone.
This past weekend we did spring cleaning and rearranged more furniture. Now, the old girl is in dire straits panic mode. She runs to the bedroom door and screams. She follows me around the house her eyes showing true terror. She cries. I reach down to pick her up and she bolts. The poor thing is desperate.
Yesterday she was missing most of the day. I was afraid the changes had pushed her over the edge and she fled her home to the wilds of suburbia. I walked through the family room searching beneath the couch and I noticed the throw on the back of the couch had a heartbeat. It was moving.
I lifted the corner of the throw and there she was cowering in terror. I patted her on the back and she seemed safe and secure.
Today more moving furniture and cleaning closets. She raced through the house crying like a wounded animal. I tried to calm her with no luck. Finally after chasing her through the house I captured her. I hugged her tight and spoke softly to her. I placed her on the back of the couch and covered her with the throw. She has been in that spot without moving for the entire morning. I guess under the throw is her new safety zone.
She is just a bizarre feline and we love her - sometimes. We need a cat whisperer.

Global Warming

I love to sleep with the windows flung wide open and breath in that wonderful fresh air but there are some drawbacks. At 1:48 AM the neighbors decided to have a discussion. Actually it was a full blow argument. They were in a direct line to my back open window. It's amazing how voices travel in the wee hours of the morning. I wonder if they realize this? Perhaps I could repeat their heated discussion - word for word.
I have to get up and go to work in a few hours and the disturbance was getting under my skin. I could have gotten up and closed the windows but that seemed like a violation of my rights. That's when the 'domino' effect set in motion.
For some odd reason the dog felt the need to be a moderator. He slipped out the dog door and began barking at the shrill voices. He ran back and forth along the back fence trying to serenade the couple. His barking grew frantic. I lay in bed wishing for all of them to just 'SHUT UP'. That didn't happen. I really didn't feel like getting out of bed but my choices were limited. Finally, I gave up and stumbled to the door. I whispered for the dumb mutt and he did not respond. Why does that surprise me?
I went to the garage door opened it and whistled. I could have yelled and become one with the neighbors but I felt compassion for the rest of the sleeping neighbors. The yodelling dog came in panting like a rabid dog and went straight to the bedroom with the open windows with the cool gentle breeze.
I jumped back in bed for some shut eye. The neighbors continued their discussion which seemed to be getting louder. Still, I refused to compromise and close my windows. I pulled the covers over my ears with little satisfaction. At that moment the dog started his scratching and chewing on his body parts. The vet says he has separation anxiety. The scratching and licking continued for what seemed like hours. I yelled at the beast and he ignored me. Enough already - I chased him out of the bedroom and closed the door. Let him have his anxiety separation some place else. And that place seemed to be in the backyard again - barking relentlessly. I should have closed that dog door.
Once again I call to him with no response. I go to the garage and yell his name and he comes running to me with the tongue hanging out and panting like a wild boar. I have never met a wild boar but assume they pant. I secured the dog door and went back to bed closing the bedroom door behind me. I flopped on the bed and listened to the discussion beyond my windows.
I tried my relaxing techniques to resume a restful sleep. I could feel it -almost there. I started to drift and the loud voices were fading. Then, the cat started to whine. There is no peace in a household with animals and neighbors who have early morning gripe sessions. And I just wanted some fresh air.

Cat Whisperer

I recently discovered that the dog has been sneaking into my bedroom when I leave the house and napping on the bed. That sneaky mutt.
So to discourage his bad dog behavior I decided to shut the bedroom door every time I leave the house. This tactic has certainly discouraged his bad dog behavior but it has caused another issue. With puss - the cat.
Old puss is a strange beast to say the least. She has ripped a corner section from the bottom of the mattress so she can have a dark hiding place. She is not kid friendly and hides inside the mattress when they enter my dwelling. I guess this is her security cave.
Cats in general usually follow their own rules - this is puss's demeanor. She likes to be fed on her own schedule and if I do not comply there is hell to pay. Her claws are dangerous.
So yesterday before I left my humble dwelling I closed the bedroom door. Old puss was fast asleep on the kitchen counter or at least I thought. She flew off that counter like a tornado gone wild. She ran to the bedroom door and screeched. I saw those deadly claws make an appearance. She ran right up to the door crying pitifully and pacing back and forth. The screeching grew louder and more intense. She glared at me with those demon yellow eyes. She ran in circles in front of the closed bedroom door. Howling and yowling like a deranged feline. It was a full blown cat panic attack. A sorry sight to witness.
As usual, I caved and opened the bedroom door. Like a streak of lightening she flew into the bedroom and ran under the bed. She peered out at me with that smug look on her face. I placed the gate in the doorway and latched it tightly. HA!!! Let's see that fat old puss leap over the gate to get her food and water.
When I returned home puss was stretched out on the couch and she glared at me with satisfaction. I'm searching for a cat whisperer professional to help me or her with our attitudes and bad behavior.