5 Ways To Scare the Neighbors

1. It's 5AM and the old dog (almost 18) has to pee. I sneak out the front door so she can complete her business - quick and simple. Life is never quick nor simple. I stand there in the semi-darkness as the morning breeze sways the palms clad in my very thin cotton nightshirt. A sleeping garment not too sweet on prying eyes.

I turn my back for a moment, a second, a nana second and - she's gone. Collarless, mindless and on some sort of mission. Since her mind has vanished she displays strange behavior. She wanders endlessly and becomes lost even in a closet.

2. Panic sets in. I run to the end of the driveway - hoping no one in the neighborhood is awake. She is nowhere to be seen. How can a dog so old and confused disappear so fast? Most of the time she can't find her way to the feeding dish. And she is ALWAYS underfoot.

I scan the street and the culdesac. Still clad in my ridiculous evening wear. Panic rises. Where would she go? Could she have wandered to the next street? What to do? I most certainly cannot run wildly up and down the streets looking like this.

3. I begin to canvass the street. A house has their garage door open. Should I? OMG! She went into a neighbors house. She's deaf so she can't hear my desperate pleas. She's also nearly blind so she cannot she me trotting down the street in my beastly garb.

4. Should I return home and grab a robe? Do I have time? What if she makes it to the main road? She will not last long. I run back home - scream for help and grab a robe. I run madly down the street barefoot and wild. I wonder who may be peering out their windows at this strange sight? Hubby comes to the rescue clad in red satin boxers and he runs East while I run West.

5. I see her walking nonchalantly out of the neighbors garage. I grab her and scream with relief. I am so thankful for the robe. The neighbor stands in the shadows watching me with wary eyes.