Silence is golden

A home should be quiet and relaxing. It should be a place where one can go let their hair down and chill. That doesn't often happen at my home. It's noisy and at times resembles Grand Central Station.
In the bedroom I have an air cleaner that makes noise. I have a cool mist humidifier in the main living area and it's really noisy add the dishwasher and one cannot hear themselves think. Not that I want my thoughts exposed to some family members. The ice slash water in the refrigerate door also makes noise. The washer and dryer are noisy only on weekends or for an emergency washing. The televisions in all the rooms run constantly. If I forget to turn off the alarm that causes ear drum damage. Lest we not forget the smoke alarms when the batteries are getting low - beep-beep-beep.
The phones with all their different chimes and tones, the doorbell, the dog howling at the sirens, the cat screaming for her food. The vacuum cleaner is a noise blaster more worser than the kids music. I like the term - more worser. The morning doves chirping away and helicopters flying overhead. Neighbors talking a little too loud and the constant traffic driving down my dead end street. Stay off my cul-de-sac!
Then, the open door policy of the kid and his friends. And all their cell phones and texting and car doors slamming and general kid stuff noise.
I am just expecting a little peace and quiet in my home.

MIA

I have kept for many years an image tucked away in the back recess of my thoughts. I pull out this image in times of stress, when my life is overwhelming and when my insomnia flares up. It's an image I created of a little girl (me) who runs happily through a field of bright yellow flowers and billowing weeds. She runs like an elf, free, happy and full of joy. Her long blonde curly hair bounces with every step she takes. She giggles and laughs with the wind, although I have never seen her face I know her smile is immense. Her sundress is soft and swirls around her bare legs. Her feet are bare as they gently touch the ground.

She moves with grace and rhythm across the field to somewhere unknown. She never reaches a destination - she just runs with the joy of life tugging at the ribbon in her hair. The moving image is peaceful and calming. A few times she has left the wide open field and ran down the beach.

She runs still in bare feet and the soft pastel sundress with the giggles and laughter. The blonde curls bounce like the waves. Her happiness is contagious. I can hear the surf crashing against the beach as I breathe in the salty air. I can see her tiny feet making impressions in the wet sand and feel the texture of the sand squeeze between her toes. And I consume it all with a calm soul. She takes me where I need to go and fills me with peace.

Last night I called for her and she didn't respond. I called again and again. What I received was puffy clouds and colors. No little girl skipping through a field of flowers bursting with laughter and the joy of life pushing her forward. Perhaps she has taken a vacation where my calls cannot reach her. I'm not in a panic state as yet but who knows.

The mind is a complicated piece of equipment. It knows when it needs fuel and when it needs a rest. If I need her tonight I shall call her again. If she doesn't appear I know she has a reason. Perhaps her usefulness has expired and I need to move on. Or perhaps she has grown up and I can face the world challenges with her infectious joy of life.

Don't Worry - Be Happy

It was a ruff day at the office. In the morning I managed to get out of purgatory, if only for a brief time. Then the afternoon I slipped right back into hell. I keep reminding myself - I'm Happy. I say it throughout the day to get to the end of the day. I'm starting to believe it. I say it at home, when I am trying to fall asleep, when I'm being lazy, when the dog pees on the floor. I try to have happy thoughts. It seems to help. I KNOW IT HELPS.
I'm sitting outside trying to unwind from the stressful day and I hear sirens. Not so unusual around here but this one seemed very close. I hop on my new bike (I'm happy I have a new bike) and become nosey. I get to the end of the cul de sac and I see the police, the fire trucks and an ambulance. And then I see the dark black smoke swirling into the sky. Someones home is on fire.
I inch my way closer to get a better view and see the massive damage the fire has caused. Apparently everyone has survived and gotten out safely. A home and furnishings can be replaced a life cannot.
I am thankful I have a home to go back to. I am thankful no one is hurt in the house fire. I need to focus more on the positive aspects of my life.

OLA

I watch the mystery of teenage love and life unfold or collapse right in front of me. I feel like an alien who has been dropped from another planet and I am learning strange and new practices. Things make little or no sense to me at all. Teen priorities are somewhat different than mine. Their thought process is steam rolling over the plains and only stops to send a text message. Converstaions are half baked, wars are fought and won, friendships are flattered and flattened, love is without consequences or connections. The fingers move at sonic speed while the lips give service to minor problems. Instant gratification is a necessity.

Was this me so many years ago? Looking back I saw myself as very mature with my head on the correct way and my goals listed in a sensible order. Life was slower then. Now, I feel like i'm on a roller coaster ride and I get violently ill on fast rides. I remember a few years ago getting sick from riding the merry-go-round. Today my life spins like a Maytag washer. Silent but fast.

I'm hoping they find their way, reach their goals and surpass their desires and on occasion CLEAN their room. I see the glint of surprise and happiness shine through at unexpected times.

I would like to share a quote I picked up somewhere along the trail - the author is unknown to me but I thank him/her for these words.

Aspire to inspire before you expire.