Coffee Break

So I'm hobbling around on this bum foot feeling a little like a drunk giraffe on an ice rink. The stitches have been removed it still tingles and the toes definitely have not gone back to work yet. They kind of sit there all crumpled up and useless.
Every morning my favorite thing to start the day with is sit outside on the lanai, sip coffee, stare at the few remaining stars and watch the planes coming and going. It's a quiet time before the noise of the day begins. It's still dark when I start my journey to the outside world to relax and enjoy the roasted brew.

I'm pretty good at traversing the darkened lanai and shuffling over to my favorite chair. This morning as I exit I notice a plane - lights flashing - getting ready to land and all of the passengers antsy to embark. I am captivated by this sight. I should concentrate on my own world and not get dreamy eyed about some far off adventure.

Still, my eyes are stuck like gorilla glue on the descending aircraft. I shuffle by the pool - eyes still resting on the flashing lights up in the sky. BAM, my fumbling feet stumble. It's the darn cat. Doesn't she know my movements are slow and unsteady? What is she doing in my path?

There is nothing to grab a hold of to break my fall - so down I go. Okay, if I hit my head on the cement - get a concussion - and fall into the pool - I will surely die. I won't be able to scream because I'll be unconscious. There goes my travel plans. Since I can't scream no one will hear my futile cries. It's 5 AM no one but me and the cat are awake.

I flail about on my downward spiral trying to stay away from the pool and the cement edge that is calling my name. I slip on the pool skimmer that someone always leaves by the edge of the pool. It throws my balance backwards toward the glass topped table. I start thinking hard and fast if it's the kind that doesn't break in pointy sharp pieces and could pierce my juggler veins. It was on sale - pretty cheap. I can envision the sharp shards of glass piercing my body.

My arm hits the corner of the table and my body takes another turn and hits the wicker chair. And like magic I am plopped down unscathed right in the chair still holding my coffee cup. The coffee is splattered all over the floor but the cup is safe and sound. It's truly a good thing as it is my favorite coffee cup.

Slithern

I'm sitting in the lanai with the foot up - doctor's orders - just vegging and I see a movement out of the corner of my eye. A flash of color moved really fast behind the potted peace Lillie's. A million and a half anoles scurry around inside the lanai. I hear they eat bugs so I am happy they have decided to live in my lanai. And the babies are so cute. The cat loves to catch them and terrorize them.

All of a sudden right next to potted peace Lilly number two out pops the head of a snake. A harmless black snake but still a snake. I am positively terrified of snakes. A first class snake phobic. I'm paralyzed with fear and can't move due to the bum foot. The foolish boot I have to wear on my foot weighs about ten pounds and would slow down my exit if I tried to move. I suppose I could give the snake a quick wack in the head with the boot and kill him instantly.

He's a black snake - harmless but still frightening to me. I make eye contact with him and he makes eye contact with me. For a second or so our eyes are locked and our bodies are immobile. Then, the spell is broken and he slithers away, Fast. I think he was more afraid of me than I was of him.

So, now I'm feeling spooked sitting out here with my foot up thinking about snakes. I keep searching the floor for any more movement but he doesn't return. My nerves are frazzled and my vulnerability is exposed. I just don't like snakes.

How to kill a cat

Martha is a 6 year old (plump) tortie and I love her dearly. Or I did till last night. She has her own 'doggie door' in the garage. Does she choose to use it? No! She prefers to scratch at the screen to the sliding glass door in my bedroom. At hourly intervals. First she wants out - then she wants back in. I'm sleep deprived.

I spent $100.00 bucks for the dumb dog door - use it. Is it insulting because it's a dog door and not the more expensive kitty door? Get over it. Get out. Use the darn door and let me sleep through the night.

I tried ignoring her whines and caterwauling but it's the scratching at the screen that is unacceptable. I could close the sliding door but then I would not have my gentle ocean breeze to soothe me. One time I shut the lanai door and the fool climbed on top of the lanai right by my bedroom door and began her pathetic whine. Replacing a screen in a patio door is not a difficult job but replacing the screening on the lanai roof requires an expert.

So now I'm awake and old puss tired from her midnight rompings is fast asleep on the couch. I could put a throw pillow over her face and deny her oxygen. I could terrorize her with the fake stuff mouse or refuse to put fresh food in her bowl.

Tonight for wanting sleep I may sleep in the guest bedroom - that will fix her. And that is an alternative to killing her. Why does she insist on me catering to all her needs? She isn't even a lap cat and doesn't like to be petted. It's all about her! I just need some sleep. I wonder if Excedrim PM works on cats?