My tolerance level for pain is zip minus 10.6. I whine when I get a sliver in my thumb. Me and pain are not a harmonious match.

So, why did I opt for my 'wham bam thank you mam' bottom of the foot surgery in the doctor's office? Money - the root of all evil. Cheaper to have awake surgery in the office than put me out into blissland at the surgery center. Insurance and co-pays do not calculate in my budget.

How sad is that scenario that one has to choose the cheapest and not always pleasant method due to finances. I am thankful that I have insurance! I know many that have no health insurance but this goes back to my level of pain tolerance or lack there of.

Imagine a red hot poker coming at ya and searing right through down to your soul. That's how that dammmmm needle felt when doc jammed it into the sole of my hurting foot. The only good thing about the entire episode is my doctor. He is such a cutie. Although he said, "You'll only feel a pinch." His idea of a PINCH has no comparison to my idea of a pinch. Miles apart on that one.

Pain medication and my body are not compatible. I'd rather have my toenails ripped off than deal with the effects of pain medication on my body. I am such a brave soul that I opted for over the counter pain relief. Well, that works out like paddling a canoe down the rapids with a butter knife.

So, here I sit waiting for the healing to begin and the pain to take a permanent vacation, gritting my teeth and feeling 'woe is me.' I dislike whiners. This to shall pass but dang it hurts like %^&*^^####.

Noli Irritare Leones

Some days it is just easier staying in your hole as opposed to crawling out to the outside world and facing reality. The bite of reality hurts. Trying to stay positive is an uphill struggle pulling a thousand pound boulder behind you. You could push the boulder but that might make it even harder. You could push the boulder over the rocky cliff - but wait you are attached to the thousand pound boulder.

I suppose you could get a pick axe and chip away at the boulder but that would take way too long. Blisters would appear on your hands, your shoulders would ache and the heat in Florida could bring on heat exhaustion.

What to do with that thousand pound boulder tugging at your existence?

Perhaps - stand on top of it and sing, laugh and dance a jig. Then the people in the white coats would come and take you away - hey - hey. But first they would need to remove the thousand pound boulder and the insurance may not cover the bill and then you would be up THAT creek without a paddle and a life vest and the river would be over populated with gators and water moccasins. It just goes on and on.


NOLI IRRITARE LEONES

Ode to Erma Bombeck

If life were a bowl of cherries we would be extremely busy reading the label. Once we found out about how many grams of sugar and sodium we were consuming it would send us into a panic attack. And don’t forget all the preservatives in those little red maraschino cherries. They do look pretty in that peach margarita in the fancy glass topped off with that fecal encrusted lemon slice. I’m trying hard to get over the lemon scare but unfortunately it still haunts me. People tell me it’s an urban legend. I believe in legends, ghosts and the monster under the bed. Everything at one time or another scares me.

So off we go to our primary care physician - the one our health plan says we must see and the moment he checks our weight his eyes roll around in his head and he demands a blood test. The doctor will admonish us for overindulging and request that we speak with a dietitian but the insurance will not cover this so we listen to the doctor’s lecture about our eating habits.

Then the blood tests will come back and it shows our cholesterol level is way over the acceptable mark and we are given pills and a strict diet to correct said problems. By this time the high sodium content has causes our feet to swell up like a dead fish and we can’t slip comfortably into our favorite shoes. So we are forced to wear our flip-flops to work which are against the dress code rule but we have no alternative. More than likely we will be given a verbal reprimand for wearing flip flops to work. Can’t you see we sport elephant feet?

Let’s not even discuss that it’s beach weather and that two piece bathing suit only covers one part of the bloated body. It does coordinate nicely with the flip flops. So we’re back to eating oatmeal every morning – yuck. And now forced to have given up swimming in the gulf due to the oil spill off the coast of Louisiana - that can’t be good for our health. And the sun causes more skin cancer cells and wrinkles stretching out the skin as if it were a decaying rubber band and makes us look like a shar-pei – thank you very much for that compliment. The sand irritates the blister between the toes caused by the flip-flops and it makes us walk funny like a duck. So you see this person waddling along the shore (oil soaked) with way too much muffin top showing wearing an ugly dog suit. Darn those cherries. This would definitely be a great ad for lowering the cholesterol level. Instead of a very healthy looking person with a smile wide enough to swallow an entire water melon with teeth whiter than snow rollicking barefoot in the sand with a handsome model that must be her son and not her mate. Show us the truth.

And while we are consuming these cherries while sitting over the septic tank in Florida the septic tank would very soon become a sinkhole. Could be from the weight we have gained from those cherries. The sinkhole would expand to engulf the house, the garage and the neighbor’s patio and sink quietly into the bowels of the earth. Then we would remember that we cancelled the sinkhole coverage on the house because we couldn't afford that and the medical insurance premium, the deductible, prescriptions for lowering our cholesterol and all those blood test the doctor ordered. So here we sit at the bottom of the pit in you know what - eating our cherries. Darn they are good.

Smile Pretty

Yesterday, I went for yet another crown. Not the kind you slip on your head. This is a lovely porcelain fixture that sits on a metal stump inside my mouth. Why they drill that tooth down to nothing is beyond me? They refuse to extract a tooth - it must be saved they preach. Right now I have more money invested in my mouth than my house in Florida.
I wonder if I should insure my mouth like I do my car? It has more value than my 4 year old car. Housing prices have dropped below the high water mark, car values plummet with excess mileage and the cost of groceries is over the hedge. But dental work continues to rise while our health insurance continues to pay less and the premiums go up.
False teeth are so much cheaper than root canals and crowns. Perhaps I could use my pricey revamped teeth as collateral when I purchase a new vehicle? Maybe I should have been a dentist.
A dental experience for me is always traumatic and expensive. I would say much like negotiating the purchase of a new car with aggressive sales people. I'm not sure the word 'people' is appropriate but to use profanity would be wrong.
Today we make a decision on our future. I'm hoping the new administration finds a cure for the cost of health insurance, the housing market, unemployment and a gagillion other problems facing our country. And there should be a law - punishable - by imprisonment for any dentist that asks you a question while your mouth is wide open with a drill inside and a clamp on your tongue and expect an audible answer.

Buy American

I've climbed up on my soapbox. It's not very high because I am a little clumsy and uncoordinated. So I take precautions when climbing.
Products from China - again they are poisoning us and our children. Are they on a mission to destroy us? Makes you wonder. Makes me wonder - perhaps because my mind wanders and sees the world on a tilted playing field. Why don't we just stop buying JUNK from China? I don't have anything against China. They did do a nice job on the Olympics - cleaned up all that dirty air for a spell. I wonder what it looks like now?
So if we really want to stop buying harmful products from China we need to produce them ourselves - in this GREAT country. The problem seems to be few manufacturing plants in our country. Well - we need to fix that problem - get our tushes out of the chair (playing too many video games) and get to work. We need to start producing products right here - right now.
I'm sure the pay will be low but it's a job and would surely come with benefits - like insurance. That's another TALLER soapbox to stand on.
Why can't we start producing our own products and employing our people? Let's start being reliant on ourselves. These are my thoughts and I stand by them. Where do you stand?