Just Do It!

I have no idea why the process takes soooo long. I stand outside at 5 AM in my nightgown in the backyard - sometimes very cold or raining - holding a flashlight hoping the neighbors are not watching the episode.

Why can't you just run up to a bush and let er rip? Like most doggies.....
No you take your time trotting out to the back yard and then doing a canvas of the entire back yard looking for the perfect spot. Come on - get over it - just pee. You've held it all night long. Do you really need to sniff every blade of grass? Walk - not run - from one side of the huge yard to the other in search of. What? It's just a place to pee.

Then, the magical spot is found and there is the tiniest bit of noise on the other side of the fence. Your doggie alarm voice blast the quiet morning. All concentration for that perfect spot is lost in a moment.
The neighbors lights go on. Oh NO!!!! Time for me to hide behind a bush. This nightgown is not the best.
I aim the flashlight at a place where if I were a dog I would pee. But -NO. Off you go again scanning the entire yard to piddle.

So the morning pee sometimes takes 20 minutes. UGGGG!!!! What will we do when we take you on vacation with so many strange noises and interruptions. How will the peeing ever take place? Just do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!